I was planning to stay away from blogging for a couple of weeks to have a little break from the turmoil of opening up my heart and mind and to get guest bloggers thoughts and feelings as well. I have a few more guest blogs to come and I thought the recent guest post by anon MC was amazing, amazing in an unpleasant way at times but amazing non the less because it is honest and for me it shows others they are not alone…. EVER!!
However, I received a message on Twitter and part of this message said how much they liked my honesty, yes I have been very honest, I have to be, but I haven’t been entirely honest recently, that is about to change and you can probably guess where we are going from the title of this post…. “sometimes I just want to give up on life” sounds negative and yes it is so let’s just deal with the negative side of this title to begin with….
I do want to give up on life because it is so fucking hard, day by day us mentalists struggle with the unseen pain of our illness, whatever the diagnosis if you actually have one. Why do I want to give up on life at the moment?…
Partly cus that’s just the way it is with MI your noggin tells you your a waste of a human being and the world would be a better place without you, your friends and family could stop worrying about you and get on with their lives, and anyway let’s face it no matter how much you try you will always be a failure at life so just fucking give up…. Am I right or am I right?
Partly cus I’m on another one of those cycles getting used to new meds….
Partly cus I want to move forward positively but I just can’t cus I can’t put my health at risk….
Partly cus I’m tired and bored of all the shite….
But hold up…. WTF? WGO?…
I’ll tell you what’s going on, I’m fucking feeling sorry for myself, oh woe is me life isn’t fair…. Damn fucking right life isn’t fair you fucking pussy it never has been and it never will be, life doesn’t owe you a thing if you want something then you have to do something so get off your fucking arse and do something!!!!
Ok, let’s deal with the positive side of “sometimes I just want to give up on life”.… How can there be a positive side to these words, these feelings? Easy, these thoughts and words are bullshit!!!! There is no way in this world you are gunna give up on life cus you have come so far, yes you still have a long way to go but exboozehound makes a difference, exboozehound helps people and in helping people you help yourself, you give yourself a purpose and you believe/know now that is the point of you…. (Ok, maybe the last bit is delusional, but you would think the same if you could see the messages I get in private and the things people say to me face to face, I am actually truly blessed with a beautiful life, beautiful cus it now has reason).
There’s nothing wrong with thinking and feeling “sometimes I just want to give up on life” it’s a fact of life. Look at it a different way…. Your looking for something around the house and you keep going back into the same room and looking under the the same object, you have even checked the fridge twice…. But the more you look the more you wind yourself up and you will never find it then cus your not actually looking anymore your energy is being spent going dolallytap and beating yourself up for being such a div…. It’s the same thing really life a bunch of keys, you will find them, but you may just have to chill the fuck out to enable that find….
Does any of that share make any sense?
Ok “sometimes I just want to give up on life”…. Yup!!!!
But…. Are you going to give up on life?…. Fuck no!!!! I’ve got shite to do, important shite!!!!
So, what’s the plan? Erm…. Mmm…. Urr….
The plan? I know what the plan is and I’m doing what I can to implement it, but in order to do so I need to think a lot and thunking ain’t really my bag….
I’m going to be sending some emails and DM’s to some of you, if you can’t help I won’t be upset, but I have to ask so I hope your not angered by me.
So…. is this a negative or positive post?… Without one simple word it would be negative and that word is sometimes….
Keep Going 😉
oh and don’t forget my book
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