Back in 5’ish minutes

G’day all, hope you are well?

It is time for me to ask for lots of guest posts, so many of you have contacted me behind the scenes with stuff that people need to hear.

I’m 100% happy for YOUR posts to be anonymous but I need your help!

Q. Why am I asking for guest posts?
A. I need to step back for a short while…

I’m always banging on about honesty….. now I have sort of achieved a couple of things the honest truth is I’m exhausted…. Sounds a bit pathetic but dealing with a couple of NHS complaint meetings and many many letters and emails backwards and forward along with meeting the local MP has took it’s toll on me I am getting over tired and over manic and that ain’t any fun!!
(Initially I find mania quite enjoyable but it always ends badly!!).

Having to do this pisses me off because everything seems to be gathering pace, but there’s no point gathering pace and ending up proper f**ked up again!! So I need your help to keep the pace going, I need your guest posts, I need you to get Tweeting, Posting, Sharing and keeping exboozehound alive and growing….. I hope you will find the strength and kindness to help me out. I am blown away by the amount of people that have contacted me in private with stuff. If I have helped any of you even in a small way I am asking for a bit of help back. If you can’t it’s not a problem at all, I understand completely!!!!

I received an email today with a guest post and it’s titled “Tribute to Jon”…… I haven’t read it yet and this isn’t the reason I am doing this. I decided this earlier whilst walking back from having my new tattoo 🙂 (sorry Mom x). People have said “they are in awe” words like “inspirational” are being sent to me “proud” “courage” “strength” I keep looking over my shoulder to see if they are talking about someone else, but unbelievably they aren’t they are saying these things about me……

Truth is all this good stuff that appears to be inside me is inside every one of you…. If you have Mental Health issues or you are an Alcoholic (active, non-active, in denial or with it all hanging out) you have to do something about it now and the first thing you have to do is talk about it….

If people judge you…. Fuck’em
If people doubt you…. Fuck’em
If people laugh and point at you…. Fuck’em
If people talk about you…. Fuck’em
If you experience Stigma…. Fuckit
If you experience discrimination…. Fuckit
If you lose your job…. Fuckit
If you lose your house…. Fuckit
If you have to get the bus or walk in the rain…. Fuckit

I think you have the message by now…..

The point is all that shit above is nothing in comparison to ending up dead. If I still drank I would be dead, if I hadn’t finally started addressing my mental illness properly and honestly I would be dead. I know people or knew people that are dead because of mental illness and/or alcoholism. I know there are others of you out there that do as well because a number of you have told me so. So you can do something about it as well, tell the story from your side, be honest how does our alcoholism and mental illness effect you? I have spoken with people who feel better when they understand from an ill persons point of view and I have learnt a lot from hearing our victims point of view……. Have a little think about that for a second or two!!!!!! Lightbulb?

I’ll still be about and those of you that have already been in touch with me will already know if you are doing my noggin in I will tell you, politely, but I will tell you!! The fact is it’s not you doing my noggin in it’s my noggin doing my noggin in because some fuckwit wired it up wrong!!!

Q. What’s the tattoo?
A. “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

(Google those words, it comes at the top of a google search and that’s because of you guys)


You know where I am: –
Or any other form of contact you have already had with me.

It’s over to you now guys, the future of “exboozehound” is in your hands….. For a short while anyway, please look after it!

I’m off to concentrate on some other really really important stuff, but I will be back!!

Keep smiling 🙂

Read, Retweet, Reply, Repeat x4
Like, Comment, Share, Repeat x4

#timetotype #alcoholism #mentalhealth #recovery

6 thoughts on “Back in 5’ish minutes”

  1. Jon
    Your posts are awesome and always hit home with me, I am not a recovering alcoholic this was something I did not enjoy, however I am a recovering addict and no longer ashamed to admit this fact. I still struggle with xanax addiction I have heard it is a hard as heroin and alcohol to get off of. I tried detoxing at the hospital for 3 days. I will never forget the first day without my meds the doctor replaced my xanax with neurontin and buspar what a joke, i will never forget the tremendous shaking from the drug leaving my stysem, i was xanax free for 14 days then ended up in the ER with a delayed withdrawl reaction, needless to say I started taking them again and boy did I feel defeated, I was defeated and I was ashamed. I am struggling daily to stay on a routine of what is prescribed and many days I am tempted to take a few more than I am suposed to then I remember how it feels to run out of the meds. I feel like I am living in an endless fog a constant tug of war battle between myself and my addiction. I truly believe one day I can fight my overwhelming anxiety and depression without meds however I feel like I am dying inside every day that I take a pill. I understand addiction and I understand depression I live with it everyday, and I hate the fact that people label you crazy or inept because of my addiction and depression, so to them I say fuck you~Best wishes Jon and keep on posting and keep on keeping on by blogging and staying sober, you have the strength and willpower to do so, I believe in you always! If you read part of mt story on wordpress you will see how my downward spiral started and why I finally broke down,

    1. Hi Kemberely, thank you for commenting I know some people find it difficult and thank you for RT’s and stuff on the Twitter 🙂 . I am a bit shite at reading but I will have a look at your blog when my concentration levels are higher than 3.5 seconds, you are probably aware already I’m a bit anal so I think I’m gunna comment on your comment bit by bit….
      – No shame in being an addict, it’s an illness, we don’t choose this!
      – I know nothing about Xanax, I did google it but my concentration failed me, don’t know what to say about levels of difficulty in different addictions but I would say they must all be hard! I would say that getting off Xanax would be harder than booze, cus you have to take your prescribed Xanax and then stop, it’s like someone telling me “you must have booze in the morning…” if I had booze in the morning it would be all over by the evening, Oof!!
      – Detoxing is a necessary evil, never going to be nice! I was fortunate to have a detox that in my mind was done properly over time with constant support included in my months stay at the Woodbourne Priory, I have heard of many detoxes that are pointless (my opinion) cus they just get the crap out of your system and nothing else… This is why I still call myself an alcoholic, being an alcoholic isn’t just about drinking booze, it is so much more!!
      – Xanax free for 14 days, would I be right in assuming this was with no support? The pain of withdrawal is very difficult to describe, I think? It is both physical and mental, and they are as bad as each other it’s just the mental pain lasts a lot longer, in my case it is still there….
      – NEVER defeated and ashamed…. Painters paint, singers sing, dancers dance… I don’t need to end that sentence. I believe that some addicts, whatever the addiction, have to relapse to “get it” (whatever “it” is) and I know addicts that have relapsed many times and are now many years away from there addiction. As long as you are honest with yourself and you KNOW you are doing all you can then that is all you can do!!
      – I’ve covered only taking your prescribed amount of your addiction earlier, no idea how that is possible!!
      – I’ve heard “fog” and “tug of war” loads of times before, those who haven’t struggled with addiction just won’t understand and I don’t mean that in a harsh way, how could they? I heard it described in an awesome way the other day “you know when you drive to work in the morning and the last song on the radio is just stuck in your head, over and over and over again throughout the day you will start humming, singing, whistling, tapping the tune so you’re not only annoying everyone around you you are annoying yourself. That song just keeps on popping into your mind, you have no control over it, it just happens…..” To me that is the same as my addiction…. How about you?
      – I don’t think this next bit is going to be very helpful, but as you are aware I am always honest…. I don’t think it is possible to battle anxiety and depression without meds, soz, I think you need something to lift you before you even start the fight….
      – I understand “dying inside” but if you are “dying” you still have a chance…. I was “dead” inside and I “knew” I couldn’t beat it, I “knew” the only way out was to kill myself….. But I now “KNOW” that was bollox, I now “KNOW” if I can do it ANYONE can, you just have to be honest to yourself, sounds very cheesy, but I believe it 100%!!
      – I label myself everyday with worse than a “normal” can label me with…. Fuck em, what do they know? Label yourself what you want to label yourself with, take back the words for you, there just words…. I’m a fucking “loon bag” “mentalist” “nut job” etc…. I hope you are too!! 😉
      – you saying you believe in me always is very humbling…. I don’t want this to sound odd but I don’t know how else to say it…. I’m nothing special, I’m no different to everyone else with addiction or MI, I’m just open and honest and want to help anyway I can even though sometimes it makes me very unwell x x
      – I will definitely catch up on your blog, knowing me it will take me some time to get around to it, and I apologise for that…. But “I am what I am” “it is what it is” and always “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”
      – Catch you soon Kemberely (your name is very difficult to spell) don’t be so hard on yourself and just be honest if you fall off the wagon just get back on….. Shit happens!!
      – hope I haven’t been patronising, I just say what I see!!!
      Keep smiling 🙂

  2. Hello Jon:
    Thank you for replying to my post the things you say make perfect since and I believe you are right that you cannot beat anxiety and depression without meds who am I kidding, right? I want to believe it so much but I know there are issues deep down inside my soul that led me to addiction. I cannot blame circumstances anymore so I take full credit for becoming an addict. I am used to blaming every unpleasant incident in my life for me being addicted and the real issues were never addressed I believe they are tucked away in my memory somewhere. When I detoxed off Xanax I had no type of support and I still don’t. I have my two daughters at home and they are my rock but cannot begin to understand what mom is going through. My own mother has been my enabler, she has taken Xanax for over 40 years and is the one who told me I needed to get on them for problems I was experiencing, I thought Mom knows best right? Not in this case, it took me years to realize my Mom enabled me to become an addict with her advice and I also realized my mom did this for her own personal gain, When she would run low on meds she always knew she could come to me and I would help her, then I would run low or run out and I would go to her. I cannot count how many times my Mom has borrowed meds from me with her promise to give them back and then not….I have spent many times in the ER from her antics and I am trying desperately to break free not only from the Xanax but the hold my mom has over me. As you probably know I like Billy Idol from my tweets but there is a real reason he is my favorite person, his music kept me sane, When I went to detox I felt like I was dying and I wanted to give up I literally could not swallow this is a withdrawl symptom and it lasted all day and the nurses were not allowed to give me anything because I was detoxing therefore, I walked the halls all day long back and forth, back and forth praying to God to help me,. I turned on my Ipod and the song playing was Rebel Yell and the first lyrics I heard were “I walked the ward with you babe a million times for you”. Just those few lyrics honestly kept me sane at that moment, and like the addict I was I kept listening to that song over and over. It was something in those lyrics that I had heard a million times before that really hit home with me. I had always been a big fan of Billy Idol but after that I became a super fan lol….Now getting back to addiction, have you ever been in a crowded room full of people yet feel totally alone, like everyone else is free from the chains that hold you down? I do not understand this I hate loneliness, the unworthiness I feel about myself. No doubt I have lost all the self-esteem that I once possessed and I have wasted too many years living in a world of depression and addiction. With each passing year it gets harder for me and I have a living witness to what Xanax addiction turns you into when you are elderly…who you ask? Yep Mom, good old Mom who watched me suffer without any meds, crying and begging her for help, only to watch her walk away from me. It is horrible that my own mom would sit by and watch an ambulance take me away when she could have helped me. I know I need to break free from this cycle with her then my conscience kicks my ass and says she is your mother, you don’t want to have any regrets by not staying by her side, until she is gone! This is the core of my addiction problem and having support to get through it is nonexistent for me, Welcome to my world of nothingness, loneliness, and hopelessness. I will keep on fighting but I will never say I cannot be broken ever again. I used to say this all the time, trying to the tough guy (gal) lol, then it all came crashing in on me and I knew I was broken, it was like I was daring fate to break me down and fate won. Please keep in touch and I will appoint you as my support system by reading your posts and realizing I am not alone 🙂

    1. Oof!! Replying is my pleasure, I read this reply on my email first and thought “how do I respond to that?” Answer, as always, honestly!! Bit by bit again sorry, it’s the way I roll….
      – I don’t think you are kidding anyone…. Positive thinking is a good thing…. As long as you’re not lying to yourself….
      – Addiction just is, you’re either an addict or you’re not? Circumstances may speed things along but I believe I was born and addict…. My guess is very addict has blamed everything they possibly can apart from nature, personally I think you taking “full credit” is a good thing, it’s not actually your fault but you can’t blame anything else. I have things tucked away in my memory as well, do you dig them out every now and then just to hit yourself with them as well?
      – I don’t think I’m going to comment on your situation with your mom, all I will say is addicts are selfish and manipulative…. You have probably used your powers for bad as well, try using them for good….. Sometimes I think my best quality is my selfishness!!
      – I had spotted your @BillyIdol love yes, you tweet him quite regular, lol, he follows me now and he has been a huge help with RT’ing me a while back, from his RT I have followers all over the world…. Some of his lyrics are genius!!! And I think his lyrics are often misunderstood and misused….
      – lonely in a crowded room… Are you mad,that’s not possible…. Yes all the time!!!!
      – this may sound a bit patronising but one day you will get over the negative feelings for yourself, I used to hate me with a passion and now I kinda like me…. I didn’t try to get over these thoughts I just realised one day that I hadn’t thought about killing myself and when I thought back I hadn’t thought about it for a while. All I can say is “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”
      – funny you should use the word “chains”…
      “Chain, created today, pic took by me”
      – ALWAYS keep fighting!! I get broken all the time, comes with the territory so I just use another one of my many annoying life mottos “Reevaluate, adapt, change, repeat”
      – again I’m not going to comment on your mom, just refer back to the above…. Manipulation and selfishness…
      – I’m crap at keeping in touch, soz just being honest…. but you are NEVER alone!! I am honoured to be appointed as your support system 🙂
      Keep smiling 🙂

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