Category Archives: 2014

Unstable stability

Very soon it will be 2015 and although I know I have come a long way in 2014 the last couple of days have made me realise just how far I have to go to return to a “normal” life or indeed if I will ever have a “normal” life again. I didn’t get out of bed until about 14:30 today, I didn’t leave the house yesterday and if I’m honest I’m not looking forward to leaving the house tomorrow. But tomorrow I have to leave the house cus I’ve got an appointment with my mental health worker at 14:30 and I’m seeing my psychiatrist at 15:00.

I have definitely come a long way and although everything seems to be moving in the right direction I hate how close the pain of mental illness is to the surface, I hate how easily my stability can be derailed, I hate many things, including my lack of concentration and I definitely hate how much hard work keeping on keeping on is. I know I’m strong enough to keep going and I know 100% I will NEVER give up but I’m very tired from the constant battle.

I know 2015 will be a good year for me, it has to be cus I can’t have another shite year as I have nothing else to lose. I’m know where near that rock bottom that people like to talk about but even though I have come a long way I really haven’t even started the journey of recovery cus that can’t start until my stability is actually stable….Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

Short and not so sweet post, not even sure it is worth it.

Having dips is good and bad, the good bit is it reminds you how good the good is when it’s good but the bad bit is it also reminds you how bad the bad bits are when its bad.

Tired of the pain and the ups n downs? Absolutely!!!!

But I KNOW there ain’t nothing I can’t handle…. EVENTUALLY!!!!

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep going 😉

Jon aka exboozehound
@exboozehound
www.exboozehound.co.uk

Oh and don’t forget my Thingymajig (memoir/book)

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Is this the way forward?

G’day all, hope you’re well?

Please take some time with this post, it’s very important cus this is an opportunity to actually make some positive difference….movie La La Land 2016 streaming

I received a DM off @Daniel_L_Baker a few days ago about his charities new and inspired, crowd funding platform, Depression is not destiny I was happy to receive a DM off Danny because even though we’ve never met and he lives on the other side of the world he is definitely part of my recovery support team. His memoir had a very big effect on me and helped to reignite my fight against the horrendous pain I was in after my mental breakdown in June 2013. I think the best way I can sum up the effect this memoir had on me is by the medium of screen grabs: –

Please take note of the date of this review, 24th October 2013 as it’s quite a significant date for me.

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Again please take note of the date I downloaded Danny’s memoir, 24th October 2013 as it’s quite a significant date for me.

image

The pic below is a cropped screen grab from my blogs admin page to show you the date of the first page I published and again please take note of the date it was published, 24th October 2013 as it’s quite a significant date for me.

image

It may seem odd for me to be rambling on about stuff from the past in a post entitled “Is this the way forward?” but I thought it was important to set the scene. When I looked at the crowd funding platform on Danny’s website I noticed that one of the projects was a lady called Chazz who is also UK based, for me it’s people like Chazz who are inspirational and brave because she has the guts to ask for help. Asking for help is not easy, especially in such a public way but I think it sums it up, it shows how powerful the web is with helping people’s recovery from depression and mental illness. I got Chazz’s twitter address (@Aries_Model) off Danny and sent her a message asking if I could write about her, I hope you will agree the reply is very powerful and shows how important it is that we write, talk, blog, share about our experiences of recovering from depression, mental illness and in my case alcoholism: –

image
I watched Chazz’s video, I urge you to do the same, and I thought back to how horrendously painful life was when I was waiting for some help from the NHS, how desperate I was and I know I would of gotten very close to giving up if I was told there was a 2 year waiting list for any help. You here a lot of people saying the hardest thing is asking for help and yes that is very hard, but in reality with this completely broken and not fit for purpose NHS we have the hardest thing is actually waiting for any help to arrive once you’ve just taken a horrendously painful step of asking for it.

Please take the time to read Chazz’s story and watch her video, any of you out there reading this who have experience of depression, anxiety and mental illness will know how incredibly hard it would have been for Chazz to do the video and write her story. Keep an eye out for what I think is an incredibly powerful and emotional collection of words….

“I want to feel like I have a place in this world”

I know I understand the pain behind those words and I’m pretty sure you do too.

With the appalling state of the NHS system I believe this is a way forward, we should not have to wait 2 years to get some help and although the politicians keep talking about more funding and better turn around times we all know nothing will change quickly cus let’s face it the NHS on the mental health side has been in this state for many years and just continues to get worse. I need to say that I have met some brilliant people in the NHS and when you do get treatment via the NHS it is second to none, but the way the system is setup causes a massive amount of unnecessary very dangerous pain and I also stand very firmly by my belief that I only got the treatment I did and do because I mouthed off on Twitter and made my complaint official, which in itself made me unwell.

Please take the time to check out Daniels website and watch Chazz’s video, read her story and if you can donate. If you can’t donate don’t worry but please share the story and links because this is genuinely an opportunity to help someone get there life back and help them know they do have a place in this world….

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep going 😉

Jon aka exboozehound
@exboozehound
www.exboozehound.co.uk

Oh and don’t forget my Thingymajig (memoir/book)

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Today I fell apart a bit….

These things don’t generally happen all of a sudden, there’s usually a recognisable build up and this time it was no different. I knew it was coming and I tried hard not to fight it, that might sound a little odd, surely yoku should fight it all the time?

The way I see it these days….

Is there really a point in wasting loads of energy fighting the inevitable? Yes that probably sounds really negative, but it’s not it’s realistic and for me it’s the way it has to be at the moment.

If I’d spent loads of energy fighting against the dip that was coming I would be more tired when the dip arrived, today has been a really negative day, I got up and felt pretty shite, I decided I would go and have 30 minutes on the squash court to try and spark myself into action and remove the aggression boiling inside, the anger about living a pointless existence having achieved absolutely nothing in life (bear with me I was feeling sorry for myself). I did 30 minutes on the squash court broken up with sets of push-ups and for a split second I started feeling a bit better about the day ahead…. And then all of a sudden the madness began, I was sat at the front wall of the court and all I wanted to do was shout and cry, there was a guy cleaning on the balcony of the squash court and in my mind I felt myself thinking “he’s laughing at me, he’s laughing at how sad it is that I’m on the squash court by myself” (told ya “the madness began” bloody nutter!!).

I left the squash court and this guy was standing at the reception talking and laughing with some colleagues, of course “they were laughing at me”…… I just wanted to get home (not that I have my own home, cus I’m a useless waste of a human being), I needed to get myself something to eat so went into Asda and immediately felt the pressure, everyone in there knew I was mentally ill and we’re moving out of my way. I got to the tobacco till, there was a queue and in the queue was a guy I went to school with, we spoke but I felt really rude cus I really didn’t want to get involved in the conversation. One of my mates wives was there with their two kids and I just kept looking the other way cus I didn’t want to get involved in another possible conversation. I got to the front of the queue and asked for my backy of choice (the cheap one cus I’m a loser and I no longer work), I thought the lady who served me was looking at me with concerned eyes.

When I walked out of Asda my mates wife and kids were there so I looked the other way, I couldn’t get into the lift cus I didn’t want to be in the enclosed space and what if she got in the lift as well, I’d have to make conversation and I didn’t want her to see me looking all possessed with madness… I took the stairs and the closer I got to the floor I needed the more I just wanted to cry, my noggin was now buzzing and throbbing and I felt like I was gunna explode…..

I got to my car (a knackered piece of shit of a car, cus that’s all I can afford as I’m a waste of space who hasn’t worked for more than a year since my mental breakdown (sign of weakness!!!) in June 2013) and as soon as I was safely in the car the tears started, I wasn’t blubbing like a baby it just felt like a release of pressure.

I drove back to my Dads, still with tears in my eyes, I paced backwards and forwards in the kitchen struggling to work out how to open and dish up the salad I had bought for lunch. I went upstairs to eat my lunch and have some meds to help me relax and was back in bed for 12pm, crying and stressing about how pathetic I was and what a pointless existence I have lived having reached the age of 41 and having absolutely nothing to show for those 41 years….

I got out of bed at about half five, had some tea that my Dad had cooked me, rolled some fags and then started writing this. I currently feel numb and a bit weird having just written out all of the shite above, knowing it’s all completely true and at the same time a complete load of BOLLOX. I know people weren’t laughing at me and moving out of my way, I know I’m not a waste of a human life but sometimes my badly wired up noggin just decides to short circuit and give me a hard time.

Tomorrow is another day, I will hopefully have some energy to deal with tomorrow because I haven’t wasted all my energy fighting the inevitable, I’ve just accepted that from time to time I lose the plot a little bit, I can’t cope with “normal” situations and currently my future looks pretty bleak.

What have I got to look forward to?

Well, probably the same as every other single person whether they are mentalists or normals, some good times, some bad times and in order to make the most of what my future holds I will deal with each day one day at a time, today’s shite has no bearing on yesterday or tomorrow, tomorrow is another day….

“It is what it is”

“Shit happens”

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Theres no real point to this post, I hope some people will identify with some of the mad stuff I have written above and know there’s nothing wrong with being a bit of a nut job, it’s just the way it is sometimes there doesn’t have to be a reason, there probably isn’t a why, it’s just one of those things and because I accept this madness can happen at times I can survive it and bounce back….Logan movie trailer

“There ain’t nothing I/WE can’t handle…. Eventually!!!!”

Keep going 😉

Jon aka exboozehound
@exboozehound
www.exboozehound.co.uk

Oh and don’t forget my Thingymajig (memoir/book)


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Coming out of the mental illness closet.

G’day all, below we have another guest post from my new Australian Face Book friend Kelly. I hope you find these words as inspirational as I know they are…..

Coming out of the mental illness closet. By Kelly the Aussie 🙂

I was diagnosed with Bipolar about 9 years ago, to me it was a load of rot, I couldn’t have a mental illness. I mean I know I wasn’t quite right, like I would have ups and downs, and get moody, but it was the depression side of bipolar I was having a lot of time coping with. After my diagnosis I looked into it a bit, I also met a very special internet friend that was looking for answer and we happened to meet on a site, she helped me understand the illness a lot and helped me cope with a lot of feelings, it is great to have an understanding ear.

After my diagnoses I struggled for a couple of years to believe I had bipolar, the reason being, I was also stuck in the stigma of mental illness, to me mental illness just meant people were crazy and scary, and that’s something I didn’t want to be, certainly I didn’t feel like I was crazy or scary, I was ignorant, I didn’t know anything about it, so to me it was a scary world. I must admit coming to terms with having a mental illness was the hardest thing to cope with, the first few years was the hardest and the most times I have been manic and hypo manic tendencies. I was elaborating my illness because of what others would think, and my own delusional thoughts ,I wasn’t accepting it I was pushing it away but it made me worse.

After learning a lot more about mental illness I finally accepted my condition, I intergraded CBT into my life and it helped make bipolar more controllable. But I still hadn’t told many people I was still afraid of the stigma and what I would be thought of, so only a handful of people knew, I kept it to myself and those close for 8 years. I had accepted but was still afraid to let people know, I didn’t really care if people knew or not, it was none of their business anyway, but I felt that this may help me to help break the stigma and make me feel better, hahah and I guess some may start to understand why I act certain ways lol. Finally I didn’t give a rats bumb what people thought, and after reading some of Jon’s blogs he kind of unknowingly inspired me to come out. So a few days ago I publically announced on my facebook wall that I am bipolar , a few hours later I had numerous reply’s of support and understanding and also others admitting they also had a mental illness. I was so relieved and surprised at the same time. It really helped me understand that support is out there, and so many are going through the same thing, I had nothing to worry about it was only my bipolar mind telling me other wise. All those suffering a mental illness will find it hard coping, but by doing certain things can help lift you. Coming out may not seem big to some but it was a 8 year processes for me, and its like a small weight has been lifted . hugs and kisses xo

Thank you Kelly for having the courage to write this. I know it will help others come to terms with their mental illnesses. There is nothing to be ashamed or scared of we just have an illness.Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

If you are reading this and feel inspired to come out of your mental illness closet, if you do take that huge step I am pretty sure you will receive the same levels of support and understanding Kelly and I havevreceived. However if you do find people that aren’t supportive know this….. That’s there problem some people are just ignorant and you don’t need them in your life, FACT!

Keep going 😉

Jon aka exboozehound
@exboozehound
www.exboozehound.co.uk

Oh and don’t forget my Thingymajig (memoir/book)

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I hurt daily

Don’t worry I’m not after sympathy it’s just a fact…. Each and every day I feel pain, excruciating mental pain…. But every single last bit of that pain is worth it as the alternative is something I don’t think about these days!!!!

My whole life I have considered myself a failure, a loser, a waste of a human being, a useless c**t!!!!

I never found anything that I excelled at, I was pretty much shite at everything!!!!

I have now found what I am good at and that is BEING ME…. Who’d of thunk it??

If I never achieve anything else in life I know I have achieved something that money cannot buy…. I received a message (a while back) saying I stopped someone killing themselves and that my blog was one of the only things keeping them going….

Currently I am doing a lot of strange things and making decisions that people think are based on my mania…. A lot of them are…. One of them isn’t!!!!

I’ve purchased a watch today, that I can’t afford, but I wanted something special to remember this FANTASTIC and HORRENDOUS time of my life…. Something other that tattoos (soz Mom x) the next tattoo idea is almost ready to go, needs a little bit of tweaking and drawing properly but it will be something like this: –

image

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last couple of days pulling together the final draft of my “memoir” (that word sucks!), it’s 225 pages and I’m now going to look into self publishing, I have had some great advice already 🙂 . I think the title is going to be: –

@exboozehound – “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance




Stick a fork in me I’m done (ish)

Quick and simple post…….. Hopefully?!watch full movie Assassin’s Creed 2016 online

on Thursday a friend put this on Face Book….

“How about just be you mate? Your a smashing guy, you dont need to change, you may have to do a little bit of tweaking from time to time but thats it.”

Yup…. I cried
Nope…. I’m not ashamed of that!

Yesterday I posted this….

On Thursday I shed a few tears

Grrrrrrr I’ve just lost the words I have typed this morning 3 times Grrrrrrr. Patience has run out I may return to this….. Grrrrrrr

Keep smiling 🙂

Right, let’s try again….

Yesterday I posted this….
“On Thursday I shed a few tears

FFS fucking crashed again…. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!

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Mental Pain is REAL Pain

G’day all, I’m not going to post a link to this post on FB or Twitter cus it’s for you guys who come here without prompting, love ya all x

My memoir is ready, I decided the other day writing it was making me ill, along with the fact that the NHS are still “inserting an item into an orifice and moving it swiftly (or sensually depending on your preference 😉 ) in and out, whilst bending me over a table” (look at that, no swears 🙂 ).

Credit where credit is due though, Mindfulness is awesome…. But, I feel like a lot of what I’m being taught I’ve worked out myself….. Probably a bit delusional but hey ho…. I know they are showing me how to use what I know already more effectively. I used it yesterday during the break at mindfulness, I spotted something I’d said/done was because I was becoming manic, so I sat down, held my head and tried to ground myself…..It didn’t work, but at least I spotted it and gave it a go 🙂 .     (don’t know if you read my blog but if you do you opened the security door for me, sorry x).

Anyway let’s do the truth bit….
I’m well but I’m not
I’m better but I’m not
I’m strong but I’m not
I get distracted and bored easily…. Blah, blah, blah….

I’m happy…. Yup I’m happy 🙂

More truth? Cor blimey you lot are demanding!!! I’ve been offered a number of money making opportunities connected with this blog, I’ve turned them all down….. I have 15 other websites I could easily link to this site and make money off (“easily” probably the wrong word eh Rich?!). However, I need to monetize “exboozehound” for many reasons including to finance my next tattoo and I have a friend with expensive tastes, lol (sorry).

So, I’m gunna self publish my Memoir…..
How? No idea!
Is this wise? Nope!
Will it sell? Doubt it!
What’s the point then? It’s better to regret the things you have done rather than the things you haven’t!!!!

Oh the post title….. I’m in a lot of pain…. But it ain’t nothing I can’t handle!!!!!

Twitter post from yesterday….

Sometimes I/U KNOW the pains 2 much 2 survive
ReevaluateAdaptChange
I/U survived b4
I/U will AGAIN!
#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4

The title of my memoir? (Memoir is such a poncy word!!)

The title of my thingamajig?

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

What else could the title be??????

Keep smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange




The Evolution Of Awesome Lady

A guest post from a new friend

“The Evolution Of Awesome Lady”streaming film The Danish Girl 2015

The Internet can be a truly amazing place. “World Wide Web” is a pretty apt name when you really think about it. Little spiders we are, placed perfectly in our own part of the world, yet interconnected and able to reach each other if we know which way to spin our next sticky thread.

Recently, my crazy love of music, helping others and the aforementioned “web” have combined to take me to some pretty wild and unexpected places! One such adventure started the day I was checking my Twitter account, where I anonymously retweet words that I find upbeat and inspiring (you can follow me at @just_zen if you are so inclined). That day an RT by Billy Idol (@BillyIdol) (thank you for the music Mr Broad and also for my newfound friend Jon!) happened to catch my eye. Billy was retweeting a blog and something about the blogger’s name “exboozehound.co.uk” caught my attention. It was truly a serendipitous moment as it resonated with an issue in my own life at the time. I love learning, so I clicked through to Jon’s blog and started reading!

Soon after I began reading, it became obvious to me that Jon’s blog was not just about booze. It was a melting pot for all mental health issues, including depression. “I know about that!” I thought to myself! And as my mother would always say to me growing up, “You just have to put your two cents’ worth in, don’t you!” (I could be a very critical, snarky child, especially when my parents’ behaviour didn’t align with what they were telling me I should be doing.) I felt an overwhelming need to contact Jon, compliment him on his bravery for sharing his story and then, well yes, LOL, put my 2p in!

Hence started our little chats about life and what it means to be content, positive and all those good things. It was after one of those chats that Jon bestowed the nickname “Awesome Lady” upon me (but we’ll get to that).

You see the thing is, I wasn’t always awesome…

Issues such as mental illness and alcoholism have plagued me my entire life. I’ve either been the direct sufferer or the “passive sufferer”. My parents’ drinking problems tainted my childhood and forced me to “grow up” far too soon, I have a sister with a serious incurable psychiatric illness and my own anxiety and depression took up way too much of twenties. If only I could have charged those feelings rent for the headspace they occupied for so long, LOL! But please do not pity me as it is because of all these things that I am resilient, loving and grateful today. My point in revealing this is simply to clarify why I feel qualified to speak on this topic.

My defining “light bulb mental health moment” (and I believe we do all eventually have them, so if you are reading this and suffering in some way, please don’t lose hope) came the day I realised that the opposite of depression was not happiness! This elusive destination – “happiness” – this abstract state of permanent euphoria that I thought would cure all my woes was not the answer to all the uncomfortable feelings I was experiencing! The opposite of depression, I discovered, was…drum roll… GRATITUDE!! Put simply, stop whinging, find what you do have and be bloody thankful that you have at least that! And it was in explaining this idea to Jon that I gained the nickname “Awesome Lady”. If you would like to know more on my thoughts about gratitude, I am sure that Jon, being the gentleman he is, might insert a hyperlink back to the blog post he dedicated our conversation about it here. “Gratitude” and “Love” are my mantras these days and have been for a long time now.

Gentleman???…. here’s the link anyway…. Gentleman???

We all have our light bulb moments. Be patient. Whether you are suffering or you are the “passive” sufferer who watches and feels the pain of a loved one suffering, please don’t give up. Never give up. Getting back up just one more time than you fall is all it takes. You could fall 100 times, but as long as you get back up that 100th time then you have won.

And to finish, just a final word on gratitude. If this sounds like something you might want to experiment with, here’s a little tip. You can really speed your own gratitude along by helping others.

Try it.

You might meet someone awesome along the way – someone like Jon. 😉

Awesome Lady x

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This is me

G’day, if you have been to this blog before……
You will know I never know where a post is going to go, I like this fact because it means it’s not planned so must be true.
You will also know I often contradict myself, I like this fact because it means it is my feelings at the time so must be true.

This post is different, I know where this post is going, I know I shouldn’t be typing right now because I have no filter to say “you can’t say that!”

First let me ask you a small favour, imagine I am on my knees and I am begging, if you think I am an good guy or if you think I’m a tosser PLEASE PLEASE SHARE, RT, REPOST, EMAIL, TALK ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO ENSURE ANOTHER PERSON IS AWARE OF THIS POST!!!

I am going to reintroduce myself, I am Jon, I am “exboozehound”, I am not PC, What I am has many descriptions a number of them are: –
Nut job
Mentalist
Nutter
Bonkers
Mad as a bucket of frogs
Etc etc

I am also an alcoholic, an alcoholic that has been soba (sorry mom sober) almost 11 years, but I choose to still call myself an alcoholic, many disagree with this, I don’t care!

I am 40, I am 6 foot tall, I have a younger brother who is taller, slimmer and better looking than me (I disagree with the last bit, but others don’t 🙁 ), I’m about 13 stone (maybe a smidge over?), I have size 12 feet 😉 (that’s a lie 🙁 ), I smoke (although officially I gave up in January), I am in love with someone but complications keep us apart, I’m awesome at squash, I’ve just completed the 30 day plank challenge, I did 20 press ups today, I did 5 chin ups last night, I have decided I am going to start skate boarding (I kid you not… Stoked man gunna get me a sick board), I am a very talented photographer 😉 , I love the Happy record, I hate the fact I love the Happy record and I am a bad influence on my two awesome nephews… Think that will do…. Are you still with me??

As we all know people with mental illness are weak, pathetic and dangerous. They should just pull themselves together, strap on a pair or just have a nice holiday….. ABSOLUTE BOLLOX!!!!! We are strong, courageous and only dangerous to ourselves. We try everyday to pull ourselves together, I have a pair (thank you very much) and a nice holiday can make things worse!!! Some people with mental illness become dangerous because they don’t get any treatment or perhaps more importantly the correct treatment. I’m not going to talk about specifics but we all watch the news.

Amongst other things I posted this on Facebook today: –
“It’s the attitude of a winner….. Although the whole of my life I have considered myself a loser, I now KNOW I AM A WINNER!! There is a perception that people with mental illness are weak, soft, dangerous…. None of that is true, speaking for myself I am STRONG, PERHAPS GENTLE AND NEVER EVER DANGEROUS (only to myself, but those times have passed!!). There ain’t nothing I can’t handle, NOTHING! X”

I have some statistics for you, I know booooring! I also know statistics can prove anything you want them to!!! These may not be completely accurate but I lost concentration and just went with the first ones I could find: –

Great Britain population – 63,000,000
Great Britain population under 18 – 13,860,000
Great Britain eligible voters – 49,140,000
65% of eligible voters vote – 31,941,000
1 in 4 of those votes are made
by people with mental illness – 7,985,250

1 in 4 have Mental illness (63mill x 25%) – 15,750,000
Let’s say each of those mentally
ill have 3 family members (so 4?) – 63,000,000

I’m not actually sure what my point is here but I think you will agree there is something interesting in those figures???

So, with those sort of statistics how is it us mentalist are being treated like fucking pointless morons, how is it we are given the wrong medication, how is it we are killing ourselves, how is it that mental illness isn’t as important as physical illness, how is it that stigma still exists, how is it we are sent home from A&E, how is it I was not just sent home but told I shouldn’t of gone there, how is it that your reputation can be affected your reputation isn’t affected if you have a physical illness, how is it that it takes months to see a proper noggin doc, how is it that I am having to make myself ill by continuing with a formal complaint with the NHS, how is it right that people within the NHS actually asked me to complain, how is it that the NHS think they can write me a bullshit letter and think I will go away, how is it that when I phoned a CRISIS LINE I got an automated message saying the mail box is full and you cannot leave a message, how is it I can be given a CRISIS LINE number and when I ring it the person who answers says because I’m not known to them I can’t talk to anyone, how is it when I called another CRISIS LINE it was engaged twice!! (I have to say at this point when they did phone back the lady was awesome), how is it that some GP’s give advice that is absolute bollox, how is it that when my GP faxed a local mental health centre to say he was concerned about the fact I had planned to kill myself the day before it took them two days to phone me, how is it that I now have two meetings in the next couple of weeks with my local MP and the NHS about my complaint, how is it that the guy I met from the NHS was genuinely caring and concerned but his boss is obviously a muppet with no clue about mental illness, how is it that muppet probably gets paid a ridiculous amount of money and I have to live on ESA because the NHS faffed about so much, how is it that the NHS actually made my illness worse (FACT!), how is it that if I had just relied on the NHS to help me I would be dead by now, how is it that I hear stories of people who have actually killed themselves because the NHS were shit in 2003 and are still shit now, how is it that mental illness is not considered a terminal illness, how is it that when I typed into Google “what’s the best way to” the fist option it gave was “die” and on the first page it talked about methods of suicide, how is it the these fucking MP’s are still getting away with spouting out absolute bollox when they know they will never fix the NHS because it’s not in their interest……….watch film Woman in Gold now

There are so many more things I could put in the section above, it is a fucking disgrace!!!

Why did I ask you at the start to post, share, email etc etc, because through Twitter, Facebook and this blog I have met people that know these illnesses inside out, I can read them like a book and they can read me like a book. A lady I have never met and have only been aware of for a week or so sent me a DM on Facebook because she could spot from simple posts that I was struggling. I have received loads of private messages from people who are suffering but are too ashamed to speak out. I believe I have destroyed my chance of ever having a proper job again, anyone who reads my words would never employ me and I don’t blame them. Will people ever be able to trust me 100%, I’m a mentalist I could be dangerous! Most of these book monkeys know fuck all, I seem to of got lucky because my psychiatrist appears to be human and able to speak English not just the language of book bollox.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE THAT WE JOIN TOGETHER ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DO ACTUALLY KNOW MENTAL ILLNESS, WHETHER IT BE INDIVIDUALS, CHARITIES, HELP GROUPS, WEBSITES, TWITTER ACCOUNTS, FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS, BLOGS, GOOD NOGGIN DOCS, MENTALISTS, NORMALS, AND SO ON. IF WE ALL KEEP PULLING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS WE WILL STILL BE FUCKED IN ANOTHER 10 YEARS!!!

Here comes the delusional bit:-
I made a pledge on the Time To Change Pledge Wall and I am going to 100% honour that pledge…
Jon exboozehound.co.uk
I pledge to do everything possible to help people and to make the NHS provide a proper joined up Mental Health Service

Here comes the weird bit:-
I always thought clairvoyance was bollox but last week my Mom went to see one and here is what the clairvoyant said about me….

“He will choose a new direction/new career, this would be to help other people over a wide area who are suffering as he was and to help them understand there illness better”

image

It is time to stop fucking about with this.

It is time to do something.

We can make a difference!!!!

Keep smiling 🙂

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Facebook, Friends and Fate

A guest post from a new friend, please also click below to read Judy’s Q&A with www.mensdepression.org

Interview with Judy Fryer, mother who lost her son to depression

Facebook, Friends and Fate

I have been thinking lately, that I love the’ best of ‘ FaceBook! Not keen on the rubbish one sometimes comes across but maybe one person’s rubbish is another person’s interest…. who am I to say. The ‘ best of ‘ for me, is keeping in touch with friends and family worldwide. Viewing their photographs, getting snippets of their life and knowing how they are doing.

Another thing I love to do on FaceBook is to find all kinds of informative pages. My particular interest is Mental Health. I have learned loads from internet websites. It’s amazing what one can find out and what and who you can meet. Guess who I met in this way…..JON….he had written a great piece for Men’s Depression, an American website. I was fascinated by Jon’s story and it struck many chords with me. We have found we have much in common, although I am old enough to be his mother!

I feel as if we have struck up a friendship which I hope will last. A friendship born out of sharing our mutual heartache. Who would ever have imagined. Jon has already got a special place in my heart and I care about him. I get him and I want to see him flourish and prosper and reach the serenity he so much desires and deserves.Watch Froning The Fittest Man In History (2015) Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

I guess fate has brought us together. I hope I can be a great friend to Jon and make some small difference in his life. He has made a difference in mine already, he challenges my perceptions, makes me laugh and causes me to think carefully how I view certain aspects of life.

Long live our friendship Jon!

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