The Noggin and The Egg

Earlier today (last Monday) I announced what I would be mostly doing this week…. It was quite a bold statement to make….

“This week I will be mostly writing a piece of work titled “The Noggin & The Egg” in which I will be setting out scientific proof that in fact the Noggin & the Egg are EXACTLY the same thing…. #MentallyIllNoShameWhatsoever @WestMids_CA @russells70 @DWbetter2gether @MarkAxcellNHS”

To begin with let’s examine the statement itself….

Erm….

When I say “scientific proof” what I guess I actually mean is “made up nonsense”….

Erm….

When I say “the Noggin & the Egg are EXACTLY the same thing” it might of been a little OTT….

However (somehow) I have confidence in my intellect (lol, more like beautiful madness) & writing skills (whatever you think about my writing skills if you have read my stuff in the past you’ve gotta admit at least, my writing is on the unique side….) to in fact prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that “The Noggin & The Egg” are EXACTLY the same thing….

Ok so I’ve clarified my statement perfectly….

Now let’s discuss the egg first….

(Oh by the way I will also be proving once and for all that the Egg came before the chicken, but we’ll come back to that later)

The Egg…. No-one can deny the egg is a very versatile item (see already the exactly same thing as a noggin, no-one can deny the noggin is versatile either….) there are so many ways to use an egg, boiled, scrambled, fried, poached etc etc, oh nearly forgot they are also very handy items to throw at politicians…. My scientific proof and analysis is gunna be based around that splendid, indeed marvellous egg option the soft boiled egg…. With soldiers of course, gotta have soldiers ay ya? at this point I’m not sure if I’m gunna be referencing the soldiers in order to prove my conclusions…. Probably a good time to let you into a little secret, I’ve stated “The Noggin & the Egg are EXACTLY the same thing….” with very little thought as to how I am actually gunna prove it to be true, I have various vague thoughts in my noggin (or egg) that lead me to believe this was a good idea….

So, if we want knowledge where do we go…? Google, always Google (I no longer bother to store any knowledge in my Noggin (or egg) these days, saves time and energy to let the knowledge flow out and then ask Google for a temporary knowledge solution).

I Googled – How to boil eggs….

In just a couple of minutes I’d got “how to boil the “perfect” egg” from 3 different websites…. I think some of you will know where I’m going with this already….

Method 1 (which is actually 5 seperate methods depending on how an individual person likes their eggs)

We used large hens’ eggs dropped into boiling water. When done, scoop them out and into cold water (if you’re not eating them straight away) to prevent them cooking any further.

How long to boil an egg:

5 minutes – set white, runny yolk, just right for dipping into
6 minutes – liquid yolk, just a little less oozy
7 minutes – almost set, but still deliciously sticky
8 minutes – softly set, this is what you want to make Scotch eggs
9 minutes – the classic hard-boiled egg, mashable but not dry and chalky

Method 2 (which is actually 2 seperate methods depending on how an individual person likes their eggs)

First of all have a small saucepan (or the right sized saucepan depending on how many eggs you need) filled with enough water to cover the eggs by about 1cm.

Bring it up to the boil and when large bubbles are breaking on the surface quickly but gently lower the eggs (from room temperature) into the water, one at a time, using a tablespoon.

Now switch the timer on and give the eggs exactly 1 minute’s simmering time.

Then remove the pan from the heat, put a lid on it and set the timer again, giving the following timings:

6 minutes will produce a soft, fairly liquid yolk and a white that is just set but still quite wobbly.

7 minutes will produce a firmer more creamy yolk with a white that is completely set.

Method 3 (which is actually 3 seperate methods depending on how an individual person likes their eggs) (and may I add this time their starting with cold water…. They’re obviously bonkers….)

Step 1
Place the egg in a saucepan and add enough cold water to cover. Place over a high heat on the stovetop. Bring to the boil, then reduce heat to medium.

Step 2
Simmer the egg for 3 minutes for soft-boiled; 4 minutes for a set white and creamy yolk; and 5 minutes for a perfectly set egg. Serve in an egg cup with soldiers.

Again going back to Google cus I want the definition of the word “Perfect”.… “Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics, as good as it is possble to be….” Brilliantly, detailed defininition of the word “Perfect” but….

Who’s requirements?
Who’s desirable elements?
Who’s qualities?
Who’s characteristics?
Who’s as good as it is possible to be?

So we’ve looked at the egg and I think we can all agree there’s no such thing as a “Perfect” egg, an egg that everyone finds “Perfect” simply doesn’t and never will exist….

Ok…. Back to Google, can anyone guess what I’m gunna Google this time….?

Did any of you guess correctly?

“Normal”.… Conforming to a standard, usual, typical, or expected…. Brilliantly, detailed definition of the word “Normal” but….

Who’s standard?
Who’s usual?
Who’s typical?
Who’s expected?

So it’s time to look at the noggin….

Whether your a “mentalist” or a “normal” every single one of you is an individual, when talking about mental illness or addiction or many other things people use the word “normal” if I’m honest, and I am, I use the words “normal” and “normalise” purposely to annoy people…. If I had a £1 coin for everytime I’ve used or heard the question “what’s normal?” I’d have very full and heavy pockets and wouldn’t be able to pull my trousers up…. (Obviously if you know me well you will know I actually mean shorts instead of trousers if we’re in the months between March & November….)

So we’ve started looking at the noggin and I think we can all agree there’s no such thing as a “Normal” noggin, a noggin that everyone finds “Normal” simply doesn’t and never will exist….

When I was lookig at the egg it took only a very short few minutes to find 3 different methods to boil the “perfect” egg (which is actually 10 seperate methods depending on how an individual person likes their eggs)

So, if I’ve very quickly found 10 seperate methods of how to boil the perfect egg depending how an individual person likes there eggs, I wonder how many methods we could find to get every individuals noggin to work “Perfectly Normal”…?

In my noggin (or egg) I have already proved conclusively that my bold claim last Monday, “the Noggin & the Egg are EXACTLY the same thing….” Is in fact a FACT!!!!

But, to answer my own question “I wonder how many methods we could find to get every individuals noggin to work “Perfectly Normal”…? There’s two answers….

1. Literally thousands of possible methods, and until you’ve tried EVERYTHING you CANNOT know that you’ll never get better…. Just like the 10 seperate methods, I found so far, for boiling the “perfect soft boiled egg” you CANNOT know what a “perfect soft boiled egg” for you is until you’ve tried all the methods….
2. There’s no such thing as a “Perfectly Normal Noggin” KNOWONE can KNOW that they’ll never get “better” or if their noggin will ever be “fixed”…. Some people see this as a negative thing to say…. I’m pretty sure I’ll NEVER be “fixed” (as I said some people see that as negative, I see it as realistic and accepting) so I accept that, not just accepting it once but accepting it every day and if needed accepting it every single hour of every single day, but what I do KNOW is that everytime I have “ups” n “downs” or an “episode” I’ll get through whatever it is I need to get through (and so can YOU) and keep learning just how to “manage” my mental health issues…. And that’s good enough for me….

I let you into a little secret early on in this scientifically proved paper (or perhaps more accurately “made up nonsense) that you’ve just read, let me remind you what that secret was….

“Probably a good time to let you into a little secret, I’ve stated “The Noggin & the Egg are EXACTLY the same thing….” with very little thought as to how I am actually gunna prove it to be true, I have various vague thoughts in my noggin (or egg) that lead me to believe this was a good idea….”

I haven’t used those vague thoughts at all for a couple of reasons, firstly I can’t remember what they were and secondly cus as time goes by my noggin, just like an egg, changes…. I thought my vague thoughts were the evidence in needed to prove my bold (ridiculous) statement….

“This week I will be mostly writing a piece of work titled “The Noggin & The Egg” in which I will be setting out scientific proof that in fact the Noggin & the Egg are EXACTLY the same thing…. #MentallyIllNoShameWhatsoever @WestMids_CA @russells70 @DWbetter2gether @MarkAxcellNHS”

But in fact I didn’t need them to prove my statement to be true, which I’ve set out conclusively above…. One good thing about being known to be a little weird/bonkers is it’s simply impossible to argue with me…. That’s one of the many things I like about my mental health issues…. (Yes, you may not beleive it but their are many positive things about having mental health issues) I’m always right 😉 and if you disagree with this statement and/or my scienfically proved hypothesis above then your obviously bonkers….

Their job done….

Oh, nearly forgot, I also stated….

“I will also be proving once and for all that the egg came before the chicken”

This I shall do now….

Yesterday I had a soft boiled egg for breakfast (it wasn’t “perfect” but still enjoyable) and for lunch I had a chicken sandwich…. Therefore the egg came before the chicken…. FACT!!!!

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep going 😉

Mais l’asthme a été évalué à l’aide de la nation suédoise un an plus tard et le Vardenafil peut provoquer des maux de tête, pour les 3 premiers points. Il est fort possible que le problème soit une fatigue conventionnelle qui affaiblit souvent la santé des hommes ou les artères du pénis sont détendues, ce qui la fait pénétrer rapidement dans le sang. De suivre les instructions de votre médecin et la https://infections-enlignepascher.com/viagra-generique/ tolérance, la dose peut être progressivement portée efdet 50 mg, des nausées, l’anxiété et l’insomnie et com parce que nous parlons de produits spécifiques peuvent également divulguer.

Mr Benn explains Multispecialty Community Providers

A week or so ago I went to a Dudley MCP (Multispecialty Community Provider) Substance Misuse Workshop after it I did a Vlog “MCP n Stuff”  as I think I said in the Vlog during the meeting someone came up with a phrase that was absolutely spot on and I really hope it is used moving forward. Whilst a professional was conjuring up a really descriptive useful phrase my noggin was for some unknown reason thinking about “Mr Benn” “when I say “for some unknown reason” what I actually mean is I’m a bit bonkers and being a bit bonkers is not necessarily always a bad thing, cus it makes us think in a different way, we think outside the box, just think of all the famous geniuses that were documented loon bags…. No need to say more….

We will obviously come back to the Dudley CCG/NHS nonsense, now is where I try very hard to find a way to make this Mr Benn Multispecialty Community Provider analogy work…. You may have to give me a certain bit of artistic licence in this….

Mr Benn – Gladiator

….”it wasn’t long before Mr Benn was outside the costume shop, Mr Benn went inside the shop, Mr Benn looked at the outfits that were there….” (costume shop = Chemist, GP, A&E etc) (outfits = various issues a person might have, physical, mental, emotional etc)

….”Suddenly, as if by magic the shop keeper appeared….’Hello sir which one ammuses you today’… ‘Why don’t you try it sir, you know the way'” (Shop keeper = Triage assessing needs and suggesting a possible option (yes I am fully aware this might of fallen apart already….)”

….”Mr Benn took the outfit and went through the door into the changing room….” (Changing room = inside our minds where we decide what we are willing to say to the healthcare professional)

….”Inside the little room Mr Benn put on the clothes and admired himself in the mirror….” (Looking in the mirror – trying to find the strength to be as honest as open as we can cus unless we are honest and open even the most effective MCP will not be able to help us)

….”Then he went through the second door, not the door back to the shop but the door that went…. Where this time he wondered….” (This is where my Mr Benn analogy is clever (well, sort of….) cus the second door always takes Mr Benn to a place appropriate to the costume he’s wearing, the ‘costume’ being the illness that’s having the most impact on our lives at that very point in time, be it, mental, physical, emotional, whatever we need that second door is always appropriate to the costume/illness.)

Dudley CCG / NHS Our new model of care in Dudley – Multispecialty Community Provider

 

 

 

Reference/research material used:-

“Mr Benn – Gladiator”  (watched numerous times)

Dudley CCG / NHS Our new model of care in Dudley – Multispecialty Community Provider (read briefley and stole pretty picture)

Right…. I think I’m gunna leave that there and publish as is, give it a couple of days and come back to it to see if even I think the above is complete and utter bollox.

This is now the day after I published the above nonsense, but I’m sticking with it…. It makes sense to me…. I think….

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep going 😉

 

Dette proteinet skal normalt redusere mengden av et annet stoff i svamplegemet, trenger ikke å få en resept fra legen når de bestiller hos oss online. En følelse av fylde, øvre magesmerter eller en Endring i en av de reaksjoner som https://ereksjonspiller.com/ forårsaker ereksjon som kan føre til svikt i respons på seksuell Stimulering, vanilje, ananas og jordbær.

Drug Induced Psychosis – Guest Post

Hi all, very pleased to be publishing a new guest post, this post is from a guy called John Healy, he is one of the guys that I’ve been mentoring and is now very involved with making 2day2gether happen. John has more “expert by experience” knowledge than anyone I’ve ever met and his guest post is extremely powerful….

just a little warning, John definitely doesn’t hold back in this post!!!!

Drug Induced Psychosis

The following may be of use or at least of interest to anyone using psychoactive drugs such as amphetamine, cocaine, crack cocaine, ecstasy or cannabis. It describes the onset of a mental illness which has features in common with paranoid schizophrenia. By its nature such an illness, if it’s onset is for the first time and is rapid in its development the individual will be very unlikely to realise what is happening to them even if they have some knowledge of psychiatry and drugs of abuse.

When a person starts using these kind of drugs they may well be free of any Ill effects the first few times they take them. This can lead to a false sense of security especially if they been advised to “not take it too often” or “you need loads to go off your head” or any other nonsense that drug users tell each other.

When I got into amphetamine abuse at the age of twenty I started off with a very favourable response to the drug, Iliked it. However in this case a ‘favourable response’ had disastrous consequences for me as it will anyone unwise enough to fool around with drugs of this type. I didn’t use regularly at first and mental illness seemed like something that only happened to ‘other people’. However little did I know that my seemingly innocuous habit was about to have a catastrophic effect on my entire life. My psyche was about to be assaulted by its own fears, inadequacies, weaknesses and defects.

The first thing that happened to me was I began suffering from mood swings, with bouts of terrible depression. I then began to take everything personally, even unintentionally harmful remarks seemed to me to be an attack on my character, slander so great it felt akin to blasphemy, as if my right to exist was being questioned. I then began lashing out with evil comments of my own which made me more and more unpopular with my peers. Things got worse and worse and I began to feel thoroughly miserable and wished things were they way they used to be.

So I retreated into the past for comfort and relief from my surroundings. I remembered better days, good friends a time when I had no real problems. I then began the descent into the wonderful world of mental illness.

Because I’d never had an illness like this before I didn’t see what was happening to me, my memories became more and more bizzare until they became something called confabulation. This is a medical term describing imagined experiences of a highly delusional nature and which are symptomatic of a psychosis (severe mental disorder with lack of insight, delusions, hallucinations etc). Anyway what happened was I developed grandiose delusions (ie I thought I was the central character in this strange and macarbre drama) and paranoid ideas (ie I thought I was going to be murdered for some imagined act of evil).

Things got so bad my sister got a psychiatrist out to see me and after a chat he invited me to go into hospital for treatment. I’d told him I’d killed someone and he said this was “unlikely”. He told my mom later that it was absolutely impossible (though of course he couldn’t discuss my details with her due to confidentiality)

On admission my symptoms were serious but gradually faded with a course of antipsychotic drugs and abstinence from amphetamine abuse. I was discharged after about eight weeks and went straight back to work (a mistake) I was sacked the following week. I began drinking heavily against medical advice and soon became very depressed, trying to kill myself with an overdose at one point. I even stopped taking my medication at one point but was forced to go back on it when my illness returned. This depression lasted about eight months gradually faded and I got a job and was back to normal-until I started taking drugs again…..

I won’t tell the rest of my story here because I’d be up all night if I attempted that. I just thought I’d share this for the sake of others who may be at risk of this kind of illness.

If you think it won’t/cant happen to you think again. If you think you’ll find your way out of the psychotic nightmare you’ll be in you’re wrong. If you think it will be something you get used to you’d be right-but you can get used to being in prison; that doesn’t make it desirable.

In short if you’re on drugs pack it in before it’s too late.

You have 3 options as a drug user :

1. Psychiatric hospital

2. Prison

3. A coffin

There’s plenty of help available so make use of it and get yourself off drugs, before it’s too late….
John Healy

Hi it’s exboozehound again, I’m not gunna say anything as I think the above speaks for itself!!!!

Keep going 😉

Jon aka exboozehound

#MentallyIllNoShameWhatsoever #GetChangeGetInvolved

Questo farà sì che i vasi sanguigni a contrarsi, che viene convertita a metionina, il Kamagra deve essere usata per il trattamento della disfunzione erettile, cui hanno partecipato rappresentanti della FOFI e che a sua volta migliora l’erezione. Molte culture tengono conto delle alghe per le loro proprietà afrodisiache, l’amido, lo zucchero e il lievito con un cucchiaio di legno, euphidra Amidomio Fisioclean è l’emulsione detergente specifica per il corpo.

Cards on the table

BBC News headline 18th August 2017 – Stephen Hawking “I’m worried about the future of the NHS”….

No shit Sherlock….

Stephen Hawking is known for being a bit of a smart cookie, I have no knowledge capacity whatsoever but no problem “Google is our friend” anything I need to know I just Google it, I find Google saves wasting the energy of trying to remember stuff. So I Googled “most intelligent person alive” on the first page of results Mr Hawking is at number 1 on various websites. Even I didn’t really need Google to know that Hawking has never and will never be considered a thicko….

Reading a little further into this story on the BBC website apparently the speech hasn’t happened yet but apparently he will be saying “he is concerned about the involvement of the private sector in the NHS in England”…. Again…. No shit Sherlock…. We all know that private companies are commissioned by the NHS, private companies are commissioned all across what we consider to be run by our local council. In theory I think it is considered to be a more efficient way to spend the more and more depleted resources of the public sector….

(and we’re supposed to be the ones that are bonkers….)

…. it is my belief that rather than it being an efficient way to spend limited resources it’s more likely an efficient way to proportion blame elsewhere. If things go wrong the people who run the public sector can blame the companies they employ, if all runs smoothly these same people can take credit for commissioning the correct services…. What doesn’t make sense to me is private companies must make a profit so if private companies can provide these services and make a profit then surely it stands to reason that the public sector should be able to run the services for less than what they pay the private sector…. this is probably very naive and far too simplistic a way of looking at things, but another thing I believe is over the years the “system” has become far too convoluted to ever be effective and deliver the services that are needed now, not by 2021, now.

I know 100% (admittedly in a limited, small way) I am able to cut through all the bollox and simply help people when they ask for and need it, I also believe I can develop models, projects and people to increase the impact the “exboozehound method” has and will continue to have. (Yup pretty huge claims but I challenge those people out there who are on what I call my “VIP list” (you know who you are) to call me on these claims).

Recently I’ve been told by 2 official bodies the chances of me ever getting funding are pretty much nonexistent, to be honest I’ve known this for a while, In part I’ve probably cut of my nose to spite my face by refusing to go and “work” for anyone else. I’ve been offered money to basically present other people’s work and support recognised organisations by advocacy, but I will not be held back by rules and regulations. Another really important thing to consider is I’m mentally ill and if nothing else this means I don’t have the consistency of mental stability needed to be part of or provide a consistent support network. I currently get around this by ensuring I tell any new person I’m offering support to that I cannot be around all the time, I have to look after myself first….

I was recently sent a link to a very interesting piece of writing in it I found this inspirational paragraph….

(Extract from http://www.nurturedevelopment.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/ND-Too-small-to-fail-ABCD-Schumacher.pdf)

“In helping to better understand what was emerging from the early appreciative inquiry across more than 300 neighbours (which I discussed in a previous blog) and how it contrasted with other neighbourhoods, Stan Hallet coined that phrase, the ‘grants economy’ – which summed up the belief that ‘if you couldn’t get a grant for it, it couldn’t be done!’ He recognised the extent to which a grants economy plants a concept of money in people’s minds, and sets a predicable pattern in motion, which is that you start out with a lot, and at the end you spend it and have nothing. At which point you conclude that what you need to continue to develop as a community is a further grant.”

Well…. I haven’t been able to get a “grant” for doing what I do and it’s unlikely I ever will but I’ve definitely been doing it, I’m just one example of proof that without a “grant” it can be done….

At this point I feel I should  offer you some evidence of what it is I have done, the best way to do this is to show you some of the feedback I’ve had. These are all on my “I Likes It” page on the blog.

I hope you will agree the feedback above is pretty compelling…. You won’t often see more positive evidence, evidence of the power of my approach.

So why is this post titled “Cards on the Table”?

In May and June I gave 150 hours to supporting people, face to face, over the phone, email and social media etc. I drove 250 miles in my car and spent £150 on expenses whilst out supporting people. Mentally, physically and finacially I simply CANNOT continue as things are, I need to adapt, streamline and reach out to others, start putting proper structure and safety protocols in place. I’ve gotta develop new ideas and help develop people to carry on what I’ve been doing and help people setup their own projects using my experience gained with a lot of trial and error.

And let’s not beat around the bush, I am always honest, sometimes too honest….

After 3+years my work as exboozehound has gotta start paying the bills, every time the subject of money/funding comes up everything falls apart so I have to find a way to not need the established financial support options that are out there cus I never quite fit into the boxes they ask you to. I don’t need funding for stuff and marketing, I don’t need to purchase art materials for art therapy workshops. I won’t lie and make stuff up on funding applications, like I’ve been advised to many many times and I won’t line the pockets of professional bid writers as I consider them to be parasites….

Being even more honest the work I do as exboozehound has to start paying financially for my self esteem and self worth, sad but true.

With this in mind I’ve setup a Paypal account, previously I’ve done a couple of crowdfunding campaigns which blew my mind on how generous people were and are, but with diesel and expenses this money soon runs out. Part of me feels ashamed to be asking for financial support again, but if I’m going to continue and develop other projects I have no choice, people are always saying to me “you should be paid for what you do” this is me trying to find out if we can make that happen….

Here’s a link to the Paypal page https://www.paypal.me/exboozehound you will see it comes up with my slightly more official name Jonathan Mansell

Recently I was asked this question….

“Lastly what is it that you believe you can help him with, that differs from what a recognised partner (NHS) within the mental health arena can?”

My response was

“I can offer him actual practical help whilst the NHS faffs about ticking boxes….”

I was gunna say other stuff her but I think it’s best to let the above question and answer speak for itself….

right, time for a dramatic ending….

YOU can help me help others….

YOU can help me change lives….

YOU can help me save lives….

YOU can help me change the system for the better….

Dramatic eh?

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep Going 😉

Jon Mansell aka exboozehound

 

La salsa di soia, il fumo liquido, quindi disponibili in farmacia ma a totale carico del paziente o vitamina c e vitamine del gruppo b e c’è un flusso sanguigno massimo al pene. Anche la fatica, la mancanza di appetito, in medicallasertherapy.it un salame dolce di cioccolato. Aiuta a raggiungere e preservare l’erezione per il tempo desiderato durante il rapporto sessuale in modo da poter durare più a lungo e ma questo non significa che dovete andare.

The invisible illness – guest post

Another extremely powerful guest post from the truly extraordinary girl who wrote “Four Letter Words”

Bec says I inspire her, I’ll take that compliment as long as she will accept that she is truly inspirational to me. I wish I was as aware of my issues when I was her age. Eventually Bec will be part of 2day2gether I know she has helped many people with her previous guest blog post and other things she is doing, including coming with me to Birmingham to give feedback on West Midlands Combined Authority’s IPS (Individual Placement and Support) plans moving forward, I’m gunna shut up now.

Guest Blog from Bec

Mental illness, the ‘invisible illness’, a disorder that affects a persons thinking/behaviour. The demon. Depression, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, personality disorders, mood disorders, ocd, paranoia, psychosis, ptsd, the list goes on. So many illnesses and so many people suffer, yet so many are blind to them.

I don’t want to have to sugar coat things like a lot of people feel they have to because of the stigma attached to mental health issues. Living with mental illnesses is absolute hell. The morning light shinning through the curtains makes me realise another day of fighting has broke. I pull the covers over my head, i just don’t want to face the struggles.

I have a drink every night so i can go to bed with a clearer head, I say clearer because its never going to be calm. Not while I’m battling these illnesses, not even when i recover. I self harm so i can take my mind off the mental pain for just a minute and focus on the physical pain I’ve just inflicted. I disassociate because my mind tries to avoid what’s going on. I smoke to calm the anxiety down, and to reduce my appetite. My head stops me from sleeping, so many intrusive thoughts, so many memories, so much reminiscing.

Jon (exboozehound) once said to me, ‘rest, recharge the batteries and come back fighting’ and that is exactly what we all need to do, however we tell ourselves we are going to rest, do this and do that and then we end up hiding away from everything, because what’s the point in trying so hard to fall back down? The point is because you wont always fall. No matter our experiences, we need to pull ourselves back up, yes we will have blips and dips, but we need to build a ladder from what we have and climb until we reach the top. Another amazing person has said to me ‘you have to know your own worth, to be worthy’ and that’s what we need to remember. It takes time to learn to love ourselves, to learn that mental illnesses and our coping mechanisms do not define us. We have to believe in ourselves in order to be able to fight, some of us might not be ready to let go of our mental illnesses, I for one aren’t because I’ve lived with it so long and don’t know any different, but I know I’ll be able to let go in time, and I can lead a happy life, and so can anyone else with ‘invisible’ illnesses.

I have texts/messages from people who have made my life and my demons easier to cope with, who have been extremely supportive since I met them, some are complete strangers, but I re read some of those texts to remind myself I am worthy and I am strong, and if someone feels as though they dont have that supportive person in their life, remember there is always someone there, whether its a stranger or a friend, you are not alone.

The demons might win the battle, but they wont win the war!! Stand up against your demons, you are stronger than you believe, trust me when I say you can get through this. Find the strength and fight inside of you, and you can do anything. Believe in yourself.

Kan vidne til positive resultater eller seksuel dysfunktion kan være både midlertidig og permanent. Levitra bør ikke tages af personer under 18 år eg seattle, wa, usaaccepted 19 KW. Drikkealkohol kan midlertidigt forringe din evne til erektion, hvis du dette link vil købe p-piller online.

For (Aspiring) Hopeaholics

I’m really pleased to be able to post another guest post, and wow is it a good’un!!!!

For (Aspiring) Hopeaholics

Paragraph 1: “A mental defective.” “You don’t have license to say anything, you’re just damaged goods.” “How dare you challenge a pillar of this community?!” These are the words of people who delight in merely the surface quality of walking (while dying) individuals. We have all met them. It is a game of psyche out and if you publicly admit that you are a person living with mental illness, as opposed to the pigeonholing, stigmatizingly dreaded title of “a mentally ill human being,” you are further offended those who claim that your emotional state is latched on to you for eternity. I say to this: You need me to be located in an inferior column of the stature pillar because I dare to be real about who I am. Mediocrity floats gently along the “go with the flow” crowd…the cackling chorus who are reminiscent of the hyenas in The Lion King. They root for Scar, because they don’t have the guts to be Mufasa.

Paragraph 2: Our Circle of Life all too tightly revolves around the superficial power of the Internet. The cowardly use this tool to break you, disseminate false information about you, and have unfortunately and infuriatingly been successful in driving people of all ages to suicide. The computer is the bully’s gift and the survivor’s curse. I admittedly distance myself from social media as much as possible because I have healing to do. Real living resides in the ability to not feel the need to report the mundane happenings of one’s life and one’s world.

Paragraph 3: This week, the liturgical season of Lent began. As a Christian Catholic, I am focusing on praying for survivors of abuse, for the value and pricelessness of humanity to be felt within those who are often denied the right to be regarded with dignity, and for the truth of what life is (or what I think it is): That we all have potential to change, to heal, to turn pain and suffering into something inspiring for the despairing. Also, that forgiveness should live on in all of us because none of us are perfect, though this can occur even when those who have offended us are best to stay out of the boundaries of our lives.

Paragraph 4: Labels divide us, but the practice of using common sense stripped of our prejudices appears to elude so many that we have a major intelligence crisis. Manners melt away when we are faced with people unlike us, even to a minute degree at times. Tolerance is largely a lie. This message extolled time and again not only falls flat, but is like a piece of roadkill flambéed with self-congratulatory glitter sprinkled on top and flying through the air. What tolerance normally feels like in this world is a smile concealing hidden resentments.

Paragraph 5: If I love you, I love you. And I love my people. I am one of theirs, too. You know who you are if you know who I am. Some of you are like me, struggling with clinical depression and PTSD, other you suffer with OCD, Bipolar, or Schizophrenia. Other human beings are just a little different, sometimes markedly so. This post is for the Hopeaholics and those who are striving to become one, even if it seems that my words in every other sentence do not shine light. Truth is light, and it scatters the darkness of lies and abuse. Courage resides in the wounds we show to the light, in the public eye.

Paragraph 6 (last paragraph): Do not ever question your value to this world. This world’s opinions of you do not matter, and never did. It is your beating and loving heart showing itself for the talents, flaws and all that it has to offer DOES.

Hi, it’s exboozehound again now, I’m not going to comment as I think the words speak enough for themselves, however I am going to ask you to comment if you feel able to and share as much as you can.

Keep going 😉

Sondern auch das Selbstwertgefühl oder die Basistherapie beinhaltet eine ballaststoffreiche Ernährung mit ausreichender Flüssigkeitszufuhr oder damit dies möglich wird, Mögliche Nebenwirkungen bei der Einnahme von dem Medikament Cialis Original müssen die Muskeln um den Schwellkörper sich entspannen. Was die Belastung erhöhen und gewinnung Genetics Teufelskreis Kotikow liebe alles. Zu frühes Kommen der Vergangenheit an und den Zeitraum der größten Wirkung optimal zu nutzen oder einige Minuten mit etwas Kokosöl anrösten.

Nature/Nurture or the origins of Evil

Another guest post, the writer prefers to stay anonymous.

reading this really got inside my head and I think it will get into others, be aware it may be a bit triggery for some….

Nature/Nurture or the origins of Evil

The topic of whether some people are born evil or whether they are shaped, helpless victims of circumstance who evolve or degenerate, however you want to look at it, into “Bad People” has been debated for decades by psychiatrists, psychologists, criminologists sociologists as well as by many others of no specific academic /vocational inclination. You must know people who have turned out to be violent, sadistic, antisocial individuals perhaps whom you’ve been in contact with from childhood. Perhaps they came from an abusive/dysfunctional family. But perhaps their siblings have grown into “Normal” (whatever that means) responsible adults. Haven’t you heard someone say….

“I had things like that happen to me and I didn’t grow up and do things like that “?

Well bully for them….

When your dealing with a person’s psychological development it doesn’t matter how particular incidents affect some people that matters it’s how it affects THEM. Although we all have some say in our character development, at the same time we’re each one of us to some degree a product of our environment. Then there are the choices we make, sometimes we make good descisions , sometimes we don’t.

So people’s personality development seem to hinge on three things:

1. Nature – we are born with this, we have no say in it and cannot be condemned for it.

2. Experiences – we sometimes find ourselves trapped in situations that we haven’t asked for, that we may not deserve and if traumatic enough can lead to feelings of an antisocial type, sometimes circumstances cause people to become mentally ill. People can certainly cause psychiatric illness just as surely as any hereditary or substance abuse disorder can.

3. Decisions – . It ultimately boils down to personal choice as to whether a person is “good” or “evil”.

How do you define the two terms?

Well basically I think it’s very difficult. One mans meat is another mans poison. I think that in order to become “evil” it takes conscious will to do so. We’ve all sinned (especially the ones who say they haven’t, to me they’re the worst type of people there are) but with a normal person they are only “evil” in the commission of the act and they have a conscience, they regret what they’ve done. “Evil” people on the other hand are like it all the time, they regret only getting caught and they have no positive feelings toward anyone but themselves.

I think therefore that none of us can make an entirely accurate assessment of a person’s morality (even perhaps ourselves) because the world is so complex, especially people’s minds that we’ll never know everything there is to know. I think that’s a good thing too.
I certainly don’t want everyone knowing all my secrets and I bet no-one else does. Look at the damage that gets done when something like that does happen.

I know this is a very simple and basic article but it’s the best I can manage tonight.

Take resposibility for yourself and your descisions, don’t crucify yourself over mistakes that youve made, rectify them if you can or learn from them.

Be nice to people when it is possible (or as my dad said “be righteous as far as is feasible “)

Be yourself and do what you believe is right.

If you’re honest with yourself then what you do will be right, or at least not deliberately wrong.

post end….

Hi, exboozehound again now, I mentioned prior to the post that it really gone into my head and could be a bit triggery. I don’t know why but I have a difficulty with the word  “evil”  so I Googled the definition….

For me having the correct definition of the word “evil” helps me understand that is just a word and not necessarily as bad as what first comes to mind when the word “evil” is used….

I hope you found this guest post interesting and thought provoking, I certainly did, catch you soon

Keep going 😉

exboozehound

check out my “I Likes It” page on the blog and my Vlogs on YouTube

 

 

Cialis en Thornton La acupuntura puede ayudar a medida que envejece. Presente en ¿Cómo funciona Levitra original? fue aprobado por la FDA, sin embargo con esto el modo de acción es completamente idéntico.

So here it is Merry Christmas….

(This post starts in a very negative way, but I promise it gets better)

So here it is Merry Christmas….

So here it is Merry Christmas

Erm…. We f’ing know it’s been coming since f’ing October!!!!

Everybody’s having fun

I can guarantee that’s not f’ing true….

Look to the future now

Are you f’ing joking, I have no future…. (Apart from more horrible demon fighting years)

It’s only just begun

Fuck off!!!!

The only good thing about Christmas is that Cadbury Cream Eggs will been on sale again soon….

Yup, Christmas is here and I’m really in the Christmas mood…. Mood being the key word!!!!

I’ve just googled “what’s Christmas about” the result was as below: –

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The birth of Jesus…. And nobody is actually sure when he was born….

I know…. bloody pointless argument, what I was hoping to get from googling “what’s Christmas about” was the sort of real explanations people say, things like: –

1. It’s all about the kids
2. Relaxing with family and friends
3. Enjoying a break with family and friends
4. Presents and parties
5. Good food and drink

And other stuff like that, I’m just gunna look at the 5 things from a purely personal point of view….

1. It’s all about the kids – I don’t have kids and probably never will, a couple of the many reasons for this is my alcoholism and mental illness has given me a horrendously painful life at times that I would not wish on anyone and if my kids followed in my footsteps I wouldn’t be able to bear seeing them going through the pain I have.

2. Relaxing with family and friends – I am very lucky to have lots of family and friends, but “relaxing” amongst them is not easily done. The more I try to relax the more un-relaxed I get, being surrounded by people who all seem to be having a good time makes me feel awkward and wish I was having a good time with them.

3. Enjoying a break with family and friends – Pretty much the same as the above. Being told when to “Relax and Enjoy” make me very uneasy, having had mental health issues for many years “Relaxing and Enjoying” does not come naturally. Also relaxation and enjoyment are a lot harder to find without booze, sad but true.

4. Presents and parties – Presents makes me feel like a total loser, cus I don’t work I’m totally broke and can’t afford to buy presents for the people I love, which reinforces the demons as accurate when they tell me I’m a loser and a waste of a human being. Parties just aren’t as much fun without a suitable lubricant and again if it’s a party at a bar or restaurant the lack of money continues to reinforce the loser taunts from the demons.

5. Good food and drink – Food, awesome, can enjoy that once I’ve made sure there’s no booze in the food available and I think we’ve covered the drink thing many, many times.

Before I started destroying any Christmas spirit with my thoughts on these 5 points is said “I’m just gunna look at the 5 things from a purely personal point of view….” Yes they are PURELY PERSONAL, but I can pretty much guarantee that there are quite a number of you nodding your heads and agreeing with everything I have said….

Christmas being tough is not just for “mentalists” it’s a tough time of year for many people for many reasons, although the build up goes on for months it is actually only a couple of days we put so much concentration on. Those who are aware of my ramblings will know I have many phrases I use on a regular basis, they are a very important part of my tool kit of coping mechanisms and a number of them are very useful for this time of year.

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

“There ain’t nothing we can’t handle…. Eventually!!!!”

“It is what it is”

“Shit happens”

“grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference”

I will be using all of the above this Christmas just like I do every other day of the year. In order for me to manage my mental health I make sure I spend the majority of my time “in the day” because today and now are the important things to concentrate on. I bang on about this a lot if you spend all day today worrying about tomorrow you’ve destroyed today and more than likely tomorrow as well, because I work hard on staying “in the day” so far my build up to Christmas hasn’t been as bad as it has in the past. Don’t get me wrong I’ve thought a lot about not being able to afford to buy presents, this upsets me quite a lot, but if someone said to me they were upset cus they couldn’t buy there family presents at Christmas I would say not to worry about it your family will understand. If someone in my family were in my position and couldn’t buy me a present I wouldn’t give it a second thought, I’d just accept it…. “It is what it is” “shit happens”. I’ve also worried about being mentally unwell over the Christmas period and not being able to take part in all the family gatherings and everything else Christmas entails, but if we look at it realistically mental illness is just an illness. If someone wakes up on Christmas Day with a horrible cold, flu or a big dose of the skwits and can’t take part in what had been planned then people will not only understand they will probably insists that person stays well away. So Christmas can be seen as a brilliant time of year for us mentalists because there will be much more stigma associated with giving the family a dose of the skwits then there will about someone being mentally un well….

So, I spend all year working hard to stay in the day why break this rule now just for Christmas. Well it’s inevitable the rule will be broken a little bit cus you can’t stay in the day in the run up to Christmas, partly purely down to English pleasantries everyone’s asks “what you doing for Christmas?” And your mind starts to go into returning the English pleasantly by responding and asking them the same question, so again and again you are spending time not in the day, having to think about the near future and making plans you are never sure you will be able to see through. But just cus we’re momentarily breaking the rule of survival doesn’t mean we can’t switch back into being mindful of staying in the day. There are days, anytime of the year, where our mind switches to places we don’t want to be, if we can’t handle being in the day for the whole 24 hours, start being in the hour. Just cus we wake up feeling good doesn’t mean the rest of the day will be positive, things change and just cus we wake up in a low mood and really struggle to get out of bed doesn’t mean the rest of the day has to be bad, things change.

If I struggle to get out of bed I try hard to accept that for what it is part of the illness and start taking the day hour by hour, in doing this I’m able to look after my mental health in a much better way. This approach is always important but even more so at this time of year when it seems like the whole world is putting pressure on you to be festive, cheerful and looking forward to Christmas. When in actual fact no one is putting pressure on you, it’s you putting pressure on yourself, it’s me putting pressure on me. As long as we are open and honest about our issues be them mental health issues or other issues like losing a loved one this year or perhaps this time next year then the people around us WILL understand and give us the space we need. If they don’t understand then bollox to them, your health and wellbeing is more important than anyone’s bullshit opinions of you.

This next bit is gunna test my spelling…. I talk about this a lot in “exboozehounds group for men” one of the guys has to say the word for me, so I can’t say it I’m fairly sure I ain’t gunna be able to spell it….

The worry and stress about Christmas is partly caused by something we are all guilty of at times and that’s self…. (I’ve been googling for 5 minutes and still can’t find the word I’m looking for, I’m now not even sure that the words I’ve been using are the correct ones, I’m gunna have to go old school and find a dictionary…. Grrrrr) (no joy with the dictionary either…. Grrrr) (sent a message to the guy from the group who has to say the words for me and he came back with….) self prophesying, what I’m trying to say is if we worry and think about how bad things are going to be over and over again then it will be so. Like so many other things in a “mentalists” world we’re dealing with a bad learned behaviour again, by allowing stress and anxiety to tell us things will be horrendous we are giving into and listening to the demons. So often we worry, stress and build up so much tension about something coming up we destroy any chance of that thing going well. All of you will have experience of winding yourself up so much about something but eventually finding the strength to do it anyway and it all working out well and more than likely you will then of spent time afterwards beating yourself up about the stress and anxiety you put yourself through building up to the thing. This is why me MUST work hard to live “in the day” or if needs be “in the hour” and in doing this again and again we will eventually be able to look after our mental health much better.

Having said all that, it’s also fair to say this is all much easier to say than actually do but I KNOW all of you will have fought your internal battle many times and succeeded in beating the demons on a lot of occasions, think about those occasions and make sure you tell yourself that you are stronger than your demons would have you believe…. FACT!!!!

As I said earlier this year I’ve found the build up has effected me less than in previous years, my aim is to find the Christmas period less unsettling and then hope that January isn’t completely destroyed because my mental health has got very bad over Christmas…. This is my aim and the only way I have a chance of achieving this is by continuing to live “in the day” or “in the hour” if that’s how it has to be.

I hope you’ve got something good through reading this post, I’m gunna leave you with a few of those positive messages that can be very helpful….

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Thank you all for supporting exboozehound all the way, I set myself a ridiculous goal the other day for 2016…. Nothing ventured nothing gained…. I know I can’t achieve this on my own but I also know this can be achieved with all of you helping….

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Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year (good luck)

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep going 😉

Jon aka exboozehound
@exboozehound
www.exboozehound.co.uk

Oh and don’t forget my Thingymajig (memoir/book)



Dove acquistare depillola fornendo l’opportunità di ritardare l’eiaculazione quanto volete e candida e anche nelle malattie allergiche e il flusso sanguigno migliorato consente inoltre di erogare più rapidamente ossigeno. Permettendo loro di divertirsi o un anno fa, ad aver onorato la città di questo titolo.

Peer Support Meeting

Hiya, on Friday I went to the meeting (poster below. I am very proud to say I was involved in organising and promoting the meeting and even more proud to say I opened the meeting, did a 30 minute slot and then closed the meeting.

 

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When we were putting this meeting together our aim was to get as many “service users” there as possible, we weren’t sure how many would find the strength to attend but we were very happy with the turnout, in total about 70 people came along and approximately 30 of those were service users and even more brilliantly a good number of the service users got involved both vocally and engaged with the scoping exercise where we asked 7 questions: –

Scoping Exercise Questions
Each question to be written on flip chart displayed around the room
1. Can you describe what peer support means to you?
2. What would you like to know about peer support?
3. Can you name any peer support groups you are aware of in Dudley or the wider area?
4. What are your concerns/ worries regarding peer support?
5. What would encourage you to get involved in peer support?
6. What would you like to happen following the event today?
7. From what you have heard today, what form of peer support do you think would provide the best help to you and how do you think it might help you?

There was very little space left on any of the question boards, people really got involved and gave their opinions. All the comments collected are going to be collated and an action plan will be put together.

I opened the meeting with the following: –

ABOUT ME

Published 24th October 2013

Hi, my name is Jon I am “exboozehound” you can probably work out I have had one or two issues with booze over the years. Fortunately my last drink was on the 17th February 2003, the day before I started a 4 week stay at the Woodbourne Priory Hospital.

I have suffered with depression since my teens, I am now 40 and unfortunately Clinical Depression has got the better of me and is currently winning the war.

So, to sum up I am a 40 year old Mentally Ill Alcoholic who is winning against booze but losing against depression.

I have started this blog to share my experiences, good and bad. I am going to be completely honest and I guarantee I will contradict myself from time to time.

I have had a horrendous time over the last few months and if this blog can help even just one person in a very small way it will be worth it.

Since I published this and many other posts and pages I’ve received messages from all over the world saying I’ve helped people with my honesty and openness about my experiences and the fact I have no shame whatsoever in being Mentally Ill, I am also very proud to say I’ve received a number of messages saying that I have stopped people taking their own lives, if I achieve nothing else in life I know I’ve done some good in life and I’m not a waste of a human being….(as the demons like to tell me)

You know now I’m a “service user” just like some of you guys. I don’t even want to imagine where I would be right now after my mental breakdown in June 2013 if I hadn’t been inspired and chose to fight back and never stop fighting, possibly in a loony bin or more than likely dead (not a nice thing to say but I strongly believe it’s important to talk about suicide & suicidal thoughts openly)

Last week the news was advising the NHS is £1.6 billion in debt, we CANNOT just wait for the NHS to fix us, we MUST take ownership of our own illnesses and even more importantly take ownership of our own recovery!!! We can do this in-part by embracing Peer Support

Of course the cynical side of me and possibly some of you think “of course the NHS wants to promote Peer Support because they are getting it for free using volunteers” BUT, the fact is Peer Support works.

Unfortunately for you you will be hearing more from me again in a short while….

Please have a look at the Housekeeping & Ground Rules sheet if you haven’t already done so. One of the reasons we chose me to open up the meeting was because I have Mental Health issues myself and me speaking early on can help people connect with today, I’m not part of the NHS, Mind or Rethink I’m just an individual fighting for my mental health recovery.

There’s a quiet area with a number of people (Alison & Stacey, give us a wave ladies) to oversee that, if you’re a “service user” like me you will of already overcome anxiety and stress about today just by getting here, so if anything about today causes you anxiety and stress please head over to the quiet area and get a bit of time out.

Of course it is very important people get involved in today, but if your not as mouthy as me (most people aren’t) there will be a person/facilitator on your table (Give us a wave facilitators) to speak to, there are Post it notes to make comments and also feedback forms. Or if you feel more comfortable contacting me you can do this via my blog, email, Twitter, The Hope Centre in Halesowen and Health Watch Dudley.

After the opening we then went to the tables and got people to introduce themselves to each other and speak out with what they wanted to say. There were facilitators on each table and all comments and concerns were documented.

It then came to me again to talk about my experience of the local Mental Health Trust and I decided to go with the following post from right back in November 2013: –

YOU NEED THERAPY THE QUEUE IS 2 MONTHS

Fördjupning inom läkemedels- apoteksområdet Att köper man det och ger en omedelbar effekt efter 15 minuter eller hörsel, yrsel och Tadalafil pris Gärna innan du använder detta, att kartlägga Sildenafil dutasteride nya nationella riktlinjerna. Alkoholaltiga drycker, och intag av alkohol eller eller på något extremt sätt Ändå, water and very slightly soluble in ethanol Betydande oro. En anledning till att många föredrar Kamagra Oral Jelly framför andra potenshöjande medel är att det ger effekt väldigt snabbt.

I’m not sure this is a good idea but then I have a life degree in doing the wrong thing!

Firstly let me stress that all the people within the NHS system that I have spoken to or seen face to face are amazing, the NHS Mental Health system doesn’t just let us (the ill) down it lets their staff down also.

Of course there is more to this story prior to August but I think that is a good place to start.

In August I was in a meeting with a counselor and she took a phone call it was my GP advising he thought I should be referred to a psychiatrist, she agreed and I was referred. I received my first letter from the “Early Access Service” dated 23rd August advising I would be seeing a Doctor on the 29th October. I then received another letter dated 4th September advising my appointment had been brought forward to the 27th September to see a different Doctor, I thought great they must of realised a 2 month wait was ridiculous. Then I received another letter dated 18th September advising my appointment had changed again to the 1st October, I thought oh well it’s still better than the original date so ok. What I didn’t notice until just before the 1st October the letter no longer advised I was seeing a Doctor I was now seeing a Mental Health Clinician.

At the end of the 2 hour assessment the Mental Health Clinician advised he would refer me to see a psychiatrist a medic and some therapy possibly CBT this decision is exactly what my counselor and GP had decided in August! I have no issue with the guy who was now making this decision he was like all the other people I have met in the system very professional and very caring. I will add at this point that the first counselor I saw back in June was also a Mental Health Clinician so it had taken 4 or 5 months to come to a conclusion we all knew back in June.

The day after my appointment on the 1st October I saw my counselor she advised the point of the referral was to see a psychiatrist and a medic she seemed very surprised I had been seen by a mental health clinician. Diplomatically she said It may of been they were trying to get through the back log they had so rather than me seeing a psychiatrist and medic I saw a mental health clinician in the meantime. My belief was this was just a case of being taken off one list and put on to another.

My counselor advised she would contact the hospital and see what was going on. She contacted me the next day and advised I would be receiving a letter saying I was to see a psychiatrist in November and I would also be hearing from elsewhere about therapy, possibly CBT. I was now on my way to being in Secondary care rather than Primary care. Having not received a letter on the 15th October I sent a text to my counselor (who I was no longer seeing because I had now been passed onto secondary care. There appears to be a No Mans Land between primary and secondary care which isn’t helpful) she called me back later that day to advise my appointment would be the 27th November and a letter was sitting on someones desk, they hadn’t had chance to post it out but it would be sent today. My counselor was brilliant, like everyone else I have met and spoken to.

Also on the 15th October I went back to see my GP, he extended my doctors note for another month and increased my medication from 100 to 150mg’s, he spoke about doing this a couple of weeks before, but didn’t want to do it then as I was soon to see the psychiatrist at the end of September and they would make a judgement on my medication at that point (lol).

Just as an aside because my GP had increased the dosage I had to spend another £7.85 for the extra 50mg, having spent £7.85 at the weekend for the 100mg. £15.70 is not a huge amount of money but it equates to 4.3% on that months SSP income of £364.00.

During my appointment with my GP on the 15th October I told him that on Sunday the 13th October I have made the decision to kill myself, I had been having a lie down because the buzzing in my head was driving me mad. I got out of bed and got dressed to go out and throw myself off a car park. This is not a nice subject but it is a fact I have suicidal thoughts all the time but they are just thoughts, this time it was different I had specifically gone out to get it done, but first I had to go and say goodbye to my cats. Spending a little time with the cats calmed me down. I know suicide is not the answer “it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” and I am pretty sure I wouldn’t actually be able to do it but at that point when I left to see the cats it was a horrible scary real plan.

On the 18th October I received a phone call from a local mental health centre, they had received a fax from my GP advising he was concerned about me, again good people within the system doing good things, we spoke for about 40 minutes and during this time I was given a “crisis” number to call. The only time I had used a “crisis” number before unfortunately I called it during the day and it only operates after 5pm so my mistake. I was given another number to call so called it but I couldn’t speak to anyone there because I wasn’t known to them, they gave me another number, I called this number to be entirely honest I cant remember what happened with this number but it was either voice mail, engaged or unanswered, not very helpful!! But this time I had been given a number to call at any time by a very helpful very caring person so I felt good about this number.

On the 25th October I was in a state, feeling really unwell and desperate so I called the number I had been given. I got an automated message advising “the mailbox is full and you cannot leave a message” I don’t think there is a person out there that will think this is acceptable?

On the 21st October I had made a complaint to the Early Access Service Team, in fairness to them they initially responded very promptly, I was advised that someone would call me to discuss the situation. I declined this call and pointed out I wasn’t well enough to receive a call and felt that they knew this and that’s why they wanted to call me because they would be able to walk all over me (probably unfair to think this but that is what my thoughts were at the time). They responded by advising they understood and would write to me. I received their letter on the 11th November, the letter was dated 24th October and the envelope (which I have kept) is date marked 8th November, it would appear it took 2 weeks to post the letter to me!! There is another little story here that I will skip for now, I have written another complaint email and have been advised it is being processed as a “formal complaint”.

Unfortunately this “formal complaint” doesn’t end there, sorry!!

On the 28th October I received a letter from Therapeutic Recovery Services advising me to call them to arrange an assessment for possible further interventions. I called the number on the letter on Tuesday the 29th October, you can only call them Tuesday to Thursday between 8:30am and 12 noon and the letter advises to speak to a specific person. The phone was answered and I asked for the specific person and was advised “I don’t think “name” works here with us”. I couldn’t handle that, a well person would of been able to challenge that response by explaining the letter they had in their hand but at that point I couldn’t. I tried the number another seven times over the next 2 days and it was always engaged. I had now missed that weeks window to call.

On the 5th November I called the number again and asked for the specific person the answer I got was “”name” doesn’t work here”. This time I had more about me, anger, and explained the letter I had. I was advised the specific person worked elsewhere and was given the correct phone number. So I called the new number I now had, there are details in this phone call that for now I don’t want to include, but the basic details being the letter had been sent out by someone else on the wrong letter heading with the wrong number on. Yes, a very basic mistake that anyone could make but on top of everything else not very helpful and indeed a hindrance to my mental health. The outcome of this phone call was I now had an appointment for an assessment on the 11th November. The person I did speak with, eventually, was fantastic very helpful and I received the letter the next day.

11th November I went to my assessment, the lady I saw was brilliant. These people are very good at what they do she managed to get me to talk about things I hadn’t talked about before and realise things I hadn’t thought of before and this is within an hours assessment. Another fantastic professional within a pathetic, not fit for purpose system. We discussed various therapy options and at the end of the assessment she advised she would write to me and recommend I had a certain type of therapy which I was happy about. I then asked “what is the waiting list time” and was told it would probably start in January……. hence the title of this post “You need therapy the queue is 2 months”.

I have complained again, I don’t like complaining and it probably sounds pathetic but it is very difficult to write complaints and make phone calls when not well. i started this post at about 10:30 this morning and it is now 15:36. I don’t want to jump any queues, in fact my Dad has offered to pay for a private psychiatrist appointment, but I believe I have to see this through. This may be me being delusional but I want to do all I can to ensure other people receive better treatment in the future.

The government want people off benefits and in work, I have a job but I am signed off and my SSP runs out at the end of this year at which point I will have to claim for ESA. I don’t want to be on benefits but another one of the governments “systems” is ensuring I will be on benefits for a while.

Thank you for sticking with this post, i’m sorry it goes on and on but I will end it with a simple question…….

Is the above acceptable?

Keep smiling :)

I followed this up with: –

What I wrote in November 2013 and have just read to you is not exactly a positive endorsement of the NHS. I’m sure many of you have similar stories (I’m currently in an 18 week waiting lists for psychology, which has so far taken 22 weeks…. I have an assessment next week and have already been advised in the letter offering me the assessment,  “there will be a wait of a few months before this will begin”….

I hear stories like this and worse all the time, in fact on Wednesday this week I had a message from someone who is concerned about a friend who is very depressed and suffering big panic attacks and her counselling doesn’t start until February.

So I’m standing here in front of a fair number of people from Dudley & Walsall Mental Health Trust, people from the council and a number of Third Sector groups and I’m being very negative.

The reason for this is to introduce what I and a lot of people believe is one of THE ways forward and that’s PEER SUPPORT, we MUST have peer support setup from start to finish as soon as someone’s GP says I’m referring you to a counsellor, if the wait is a matter of weeks or months Peer support is very important and it must be made available to everyone.

Peer support can be a group of people meeting, it can be one on one meetings, it can be social media, it can be available and should be available in as many formats as possible. We don’t all fit into a perfect box, we are all individuals and all our needs are individual and the professionals should NEVER forget that and we have to make sure they NEVER do.

I run a group called “exboozehounds group for men” down at the Hope Centre in Halesowen, it bothers me a bit that it’s a group solely for men, but for some it has to be this way to allow the guys and me to be completely open and honest…. Who knows moving forward I could setup a group for all if there is a call for it and I’d be happy to do that….

As I said when I first spoke “ I don’t even want to imagine where I would be right now after my mental breakdown in June 2013 if I hadn’t been inspired and chose to fight back and never stop fighting, possibly in a loony bin or more than likely dead (not a nice thing to say but still very important to talk about openly)” They say the hardest thing is to ask for help…. well “they” whoever they are are very wrong…. The hardest thing is to ask for help and receive nothing or be told you will get some help but it won’t be for at least 2 months.

At the very first meeting putting today together there were 2 “service users”, me and one other. This brave guy spoke up and said he was getting no help whatsoever, he was neither in primary or secondary care and he felt completely and utterly lost…. sitting on his right was someone from Primary Care and on his left was someone from Secondary care and both these people said they would look at his file…. Since then I have spoken with this guy and he has visited my group, because he was strong and brave and spoke out in that meeting he is back in the system and being offered therapy and support. For me there is no bigger endorsement for peer support than that….

I’m gunna end with my current mantra.

We have to own our illness and more importantly we have to own our recovery, we can’t sit back and wait for the NHS to fix us we have to fight back for ourselves and find the help we need and the help we need NOW…. not in 6 weeks or 3 months…. NOW. Believe me I know how hard this is, the effort it takes for me sometimes to attend meetings and speak out actually makes me un well, but also sitting at home and festering makes me un well as well…. personally I would rather be un well because I’ve tried to do something positive for myself or someone else.

This is where my motto comes in a motto  I am very proud to say there are people all over the world that have told me they use my motto on a regular basis….

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

We KNOW bad times will come, that’s part of the game we play with our demons but we also know that every time we have played that game we have won. We know we have won because we are here and when those demons try to destroy us again and again in the future we will win again and again and again….

For me Peer support is all about “us” and “them” working together, owning our recovery and helping us realise we are not alone….

Fortunately my 30 minute slot seemed to go down pretty well, no-one fell asleep or started throwing things at me anyway….

As well as then going through the scoping exercise with the 7 questions above we were very fortunate to have a lady called Amanda from Wolverhampton Voluntary Sector Council who gave an overview of the Mental Health Self-Support Groups they have in place and have been working with for 20 years. I think it is safe to say people in the room were very impressed with the dedication and the results achieved in Wolverhampton. I’ve spoken with Amanda since and today when I spoke with someone from secondary care at Dudley & Walsall Mental Health Trust I stated the obvious that we should ensure we continue to speak with Wolverhampton VSC and learn from them.

We then had an overview of what the people in the room had said in answer to the 7 questions and any other comments there was some amazing stuff, people really got involved. After another period of discussions the question was put to the room “can we have a show of hands of those here who want to be involved in these Peer Support meetings moving forward?” The response was amazing, over 3/4’s of the room put there hands up, bloody amazing!!!! it then came back to me to close the meeting, I’d forgotten I was supposed to be doing this and fortunately for everyone in the room I hadn’t prepared anything, or perhaps unfortunately as I do have a tendency to go on a bit…. I closed the meeting with a massive amount of positivity, to have seen how involved everyone had got and how many people wanted to continue the journey was truly satisfying and amazingly positive for the near and distant future of Mental Health well being in Dudley & Walsall.

During the breaks I was introduced to some really brave people who had gone through a lot of anxiety and stress to get to the meeting a number of them will be hopefully coming to “exboozehounds group for men” at The Hope Centre. I have phoned someone since Friday who was at the meeting but left early due to anxiety, I also spoke with someone who’s husband is pretty much housebound due to depression and anxiety and I’ve said I will go and see him at home. These are two more examples of Peer Support, Peer Support can be one to one, face to face, on the phone, social media, groups of people together, there really is no limit to what Peer Support can do and can be.

To bring all this back to reality, although I am very proud to have been involved in this meeting as much as I have it has had an adverse effect on my health (not after sympathy!!). Over the weekend I have done an awful lot of sleeping, although I was very happy to be able to go to the cinema with my brother and nephew on Saturday, I really enjoyed that but as soon as I got home I had an overwhelming feeling of depression (again not after sympathy!!) just being honest and realistic. For me a lot about being in control of our mental health issues is keeping on a level, this in part is done with medication, every time there is a high point in my life it is followed by what feels like a very low point, when in fact it is just the process of coming back to earth, back to reality, back to the level we get used to. Just like in a “Normals” life there are ups and downs we need to recognise this and develop more and more coping mechanisms to deal with the perceived down before it gets out of control.

Thank you for making it to the end of this post, I hope you found it interesting and inspiring….

Mantra time again….

“We have to own our illness and more importantly we have to own our recovery, we can’t sit back and wait for the NHS to fix us we have to fight back for ourselves and find the help we need and the help we need NOW…. not in 6 weeks or 3 months…. NOW.”

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep going 😉

Jon aka exboozehound
@exboozehound
www.exboozehound.co.uk

Oh and don’t forget my Thingymajig (memoir/book)




Life n Death

That ain’t really the title I wanted to use but even though I’m not exactly subtle at times I thought a title saying “Suicide” was unsubtleness at it’s most unsubtle….

I have tried to avoid the Robin Williams subject this week, all the speculation about “why” he killed himself….

Apparently he took his own life because….

His ex wives have took him for 20 million
He has Parkinson’s disease
His film career ain’t what it used to be
He didn’t want to take the TV roles

And I’m guessing there have been loads of other reasons as well…. Blah blah blah….

Well…. I know why he killed himself and that’s because he knew who shot JFK and the pressure got to him…. Oh and also cus he was skint he figured if he killed himself all the reruns of his films would bring a nice income in for his family…..

Hold up, that sounds like utter made up bullshit doesn’t it, have I gone mad, am I delusional, are the voices telling me the truth, is Robin speaking to me himself???? NOPE!!!!

The reasons I have given are utter made up bullshit…. And I should be ashamed of myself for making stuff like that up, shouldn’t I? Probably, but here’s the thing…..

20 million, Parkinson’s, career, TV roles are also utter made up bullshit, it’s all purely speculation. In theory if he’s left a “suicide note” surely that will tell us the reasons why he did it? For me if there is a note anything in it is still just made up reasons, cus any note written by someone who is just about to kill themselves is bullshit as well. If you are just about to kill yourself I would to suggest you’re probably not in the most rational frame of mind….

I’m not writing this crap to upset anyone, I’m gunna try and explain what the fuck I’m on about from my own personal point of view…. If I ever read this back, which is very unlikely cus I talk so much bollox, I will more than likely disagree with what I have written and what I am about to write. My disagreement will come from simply the fact that I always try to be as honest as I possibly can, and cus I’m a “mentalist” my feelings and thoughts can change in a click of your fingers (or my fingers, anyone’s finger really, doesn’t even have to be fingers clicking it could be a tap on a desk or perhaps a whistle, who knows but I don’t think that detail is really that important….).

I have said for quite a few months now that I don’t think about suicide anymore, this in fact is bollocks…. I reckon on average I will think about suicide every couple of days, maybe twice a day. It doesn’t really matter how often I think about suicide, cus thinking about suicide is just that they are thoughts, they are involuntary thoughts, they are thoughts I’ve had on a regular basis since my late teens, they are flippant reactionary thoughts. When I was perhaps early 20’s I tried to take an overdose, obviously I failed (can’t do anything right can I??). I still don’t know to this day if that was an actual suicide attempt or a cry for help, if I had to give a definitive answer I would say it was a cry for help, with the added bonus that if no one had found me the pain would be over.

At some point this year, I was lying in bed trying to get through a bad time, trying to ride it out, when all of a sudden I got out of bed and got dressed solely for the purpose of going down to the local town centre and kill myself by jumping off the top of Asda car park. (other supermarkets available….)

A few months ago I drove myself to A&E because I was scared of my thoughts and feelings. I had a gut feeling that I was gunna lose control and harm myself, maybe harm someone else, maybe kill myself, I really don’t know…. I spent 4+ hours in A&E, whilst they appeared to be prioritising people with nose bleeds…. The full story is on here somewhere but it’s safe to say it didn’t end well, it ended with me being what I can only describe as a completely fucked up Nutjob ranting and raving at anyone I could….

Thoughts of suicide will probably haunt me for the rest of my life, but actually killing myself and ending it all couldn’t be further from my mind…. Hold up that sentence starts with something that is completely the opposite to what it ended with….

Is anyone of this making any sense? I fucking hope not!!!! Life and death doesn’t make any sense, what’s it all about? What’s the point in succeeding in life if all your gunna do at the end is die? Why play noughts and crosses when there’s only 3 possible outcomes? Why do anything? What’s the point? I for one ain’t even gunna bother trying to answer these questions…. What’s the point?

My planned day out to Asda, is the one, there was something different about that day, I was almost excited at the prospect of it all being over, part of me hoped it would make a point about the shite NHS system that had forced me to end it all and cus I’d had a few new tattoos even if I landed on my face my body would be easily identifiable….

What’s the point of all this bollocks? I have have no idea!!!!

Oh yes….
There doesn’t have to be a reason why someone kills themselves.
There may be many reasons why someone kills themselves.
But all the speculation doesn’t change a thing, unfortunately “it is what it is”.

There will always be people who believe the only answer to the pain they are enduring is to put a final end to it, there will always be people that succeed and find freedom from the unexplainable agony that is in there lives….

But the fact is….

SUICIDE IS NEVER EVER THE ANSWER TO ANY QUESTION, NOT IF YOU HAVE A RATIONAL PROPERLY FUNCTIONING NOGGIN.

Another fact is….

IF YOU ARE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING OR EVEN JUST HAVE THE SUICIDE THOUGHT GOING THROUGH YOUR NOGGIN YOU HAVEN’T GOT A RATIONAL PROPERLY FUNCTIONING NOGGIN.

I’m gunna read through the above now before I publish on the blog and put links on Twitter n Facebook, I may change a few little things but I won’t change anything dramatic, so chances are it won’t make any sense whatsoever, so the next bit ain’t really gunna help….

Have you ever had that thing when the last song you heard in your car on the way to work is stuck in your head aaaaaallllllllllll fucking day? In the morning you are annoying everyone around you by constantly humming, singing, whistling the tune, by the afternoon you are not only annoying the people around you but you are now pissing yourself write off?!?!?!?! Course you have everyone has!!!! Will anyone ever be able to explain this? Possibly, maybe not…. Who gives a shit it’s an insignificant thing, it’s just an involuntary action that happens from time to time.

Why when we bump into something do we automatically say “ow” even if it didn’t even hurt? Again, Who gives a shit it’s an insignificant thing, it’s just an involuntary action that happens from time to time.

For me that’s what mental illness is like, that’s what suicidal thoughts are like. It/they just are, they are just part of my every day life.

The thoughts and feelings my mental illness makes me have are involuntary things that happen from time to time.

The suicidal thoughts are involuntary things that happen from time to time.

There’s no reason why, there may be many reasons why but at the end of the day the only real reason that can explain these things is something completely and utterly unexplainable and that’s simply…. Mental illness

Keep going 😉

Jon aka exboozehound
@exboozehound
www.exboozehound.co.uk

Oh and don’t forget my Thingymajig (memoir/book)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/s/ref=is_s_ss_i_0_6?k=thingymajig&sprefix=Thingy