Taking Stock

This title came to me and yes I had to Google it to make sure it was correct…..

take stock
1. To take an inventory.
2. To make an estimate or appraisal, as of resources or of oneself.

Seems about right.

There are some awesome things going on in my life at the moment

There are some shit things going on in my life at the moment

Some exciting things
Some dull things
Some nice things
Some horrible things
Some easy things
Some hard things

Sometimes I give a shit
Sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I’m happy
Sometimes I’m sad
Sometimes I’m moving forward
Sometimes I’m moving backwards

I think you probably get the point by now….. Things are changeable!!!Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

I have all sorts of feelings going on (sorry another list is coming)….

Fucked up
Fucked over
Bored….. In fact I am now bored of this list, I guess you probably are too!!

All of the above are probably feelings “A Normal” has all at the same time as well? If you are “A Normal” please answer that question. As “A Mentalist” having all these thoughts and feelings can be confusing and hard work, the way I try to deal with it all is just by accepting whatever is going on (Oof!! How important is that word Acceptance? Answer… Very!)

So I have attempted to “take a stock of myself” and realistically I have achieved nothing and everything at the same time….. Why is nothing straight forward? Answer… Because we make it that way!

This is possibly a bit delusional but I am currently writing a book/memoir after being told by quite a few people I should. I have no idea how it is going but I am enjoying it, the same as I enjoy this blog, just typing out what is ready to come out of my head, good or bad….

I had a DM on Twitter a couple of days ago asking me to write something for an American website, which I did and have emailed it over to them. I have been advised it will be published on Monday which is one of their busiest days for activity on their site, when I see it actually on the site I will be posting lots of links 🙂 . I haven’t read it since I wrote it, apart from the 72 times I reread it while I was typing it, so I am both excited and nervous about what I wrote. Did I write that? Did I write this? How did I say that? Should I have said that? But in the end, it is written, they have it and I wouldn’t want to rewrite if I could because “it is what it is” and “what will be will be”.

This is a very short post compared to most of my previous ones, but when I come to look back on it I think it will mean a lot to me, I hope it means something to you?

Keep smiling 🙂


Awesome and tough day

Strange one today….I saw the psychiatrist for the second time and unfortunately had to post this on my return: –


I say unfortunately, because I have to go back a bit on what I have said before, don’t get me wrong I still think the NHS is broken, I have always said the NHS staff are very good (mostly!) and also let down by the NHS system. However I am wrong to call all psychiatrists “book monkeys” (I will continue to call them this, sorry). I guess I cant name the noggin doc I saw for the second time today, but he has gained my trust today because he spoke like a human being and a lot, maybe even most of what he said made sense. A mate of mine commented on Facebook in reply to  the remark about them “using sales techniques”: –

“I think us sales people use their techniques me old fruit!”

My reply was: –

“Very good point!! Bollox!!!! X”

Although I can admit I am wrong, I don’t like to 🙁 . You will however notice I replied to myself on Twitter with a little comment for Jeremy Hunt, not that he will read it or do anything about it, but hey ho.

It was a tough day because I wasn’t looking forward to seeing the psychiatrist again, but like most things it worked out better than I had thought. It’s was an awesome day because he seemed very pleased with my progress, he has put on hold the extra drugs he mentioned last time, which I was very very happy about, and he was very complimentary about the coping mechanisms I have put in place and adapted myself. I will now see him again in 2 months, when he said that last time I found it very stressful, this time I know I can cope and progress.

Before anyone starts thinking “careful Jon, don’t get a head of yourself” I know this and am prepared for it, a few weeks back I had a situation that made me realise I wasn’t as stable as I thought (click here for post on this) I did some very silly things that I’m ashamed of and I still regret, but I can’t change them I have to move forward. Because of this realisation moment I had to reevaluate and adapt, I now know what I have to do and if those things start to stop working I will reevaluate and adapt again. I am building a good “exboozehound recovery dictionary” and a very strong “exboozehound library of life mottos” and these will help see me through. I’m going to try to put together the above “dictionary” and “library” for my next post. I think regular readers will probably know a few of these by now!!

There was obviously other stuff discussed during the appointment, but some things I have to keep to myself, at least until I get my noggin around them anyway.

I will finish with a statement of fact: –

 “I am stronger than I have ever been, I know I have mental health issues but I’m not ashamed of that. Mental illness has made me what I am today and what I am today is a good guy, a strong guy, a loyal guy, an honest guy, a dependable guy (not always), and finally a collections of “Jon’s” that I am starting to like”Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

Ok that’s a bit over the top, but fuck it, it’s been a long time since I have been able to say “I like me”.

Keep smiling 🙂

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The power of social media

Slightly off subject and I will be keeping this short.

I always said I would never go on Facebook and when Twitter was suggested to me I tried it and I did not understand it. Twitter was where the name exboozehound was finally made official I had called myself it for a long time, but Twitter made it real, now I have my blog and I have it tattooed on my chest 🙂 .

I have accounts with most of the social media sites now, I have a poor understanding of most of them and usually can’t remember all the bloody passwords but I have the accounts so I am cool and down with the kids.

I did some maths last night, by choice, (yes I am sad!) and added up my followers followers the total was over 6,000,000! AMAZING! Since then I have a few more followers with an amazing amount of followers.

The reason I did this, apart from being sad, was to see what the potential reach a Tweet could have. I know I’m not going to reach them all but the potential is there in theory.

I have an issue with the NHS at the moment and I am not going to give up, I may very well be asking for your help very soon!

Catch u all soon 🙂

Keep smiling 🙂

Words are powerful to me

I would never class myself as a wordsmith, in fact if I ever use a word of a certain intelligence level I have to pause to see if people react differently to expected in case I have used the wrong word. I have insulted a lot of people when I have been trying to sound intelligent.

However words are powerful, for a while now I have been in sales, of different sorts, and I believe a single word can make the difference to getting a sale/appointment or not. I don’t think this needs explanation on here, but I can’t help saying that I had a cold call today from an investment company and the person on the other end of the phone wouldn’t know a positive telephone approach if it smacked them in the face!!!!

So the point of this post, I posted this on Face Book today: –

live in the moment


I honestly believe these motto’s have kept me going and ultimately kept me alive, I think I came up with “Enjoy the good and ride out the bad” I don’t remember reading it elsewhere so I am going to make a claim to it, I know the other 2 motto’s are from elsewhere but they work for me. I seem to remember commenting recently something along the lines of “recovery from alcoholism and mental health is as complicated as you make it” I definitely remember not agreeing with myself immediately, but there is something in it: –

“It is what it is” for me I cant change the fact I have a bad day then 2 good days then perhaps 3 up and down days, but since I decided to just accept these days change for many reason and I will never answer the specific reason, perhaps because there isn’t one. So “It is what it is”.

“Enjoy the good and ride out the bad” for me this is just about going with it, sometimes I would find myself feeling guilty for having a good day or a good couple of hours so it would make ill again. I know I am going to have times when I am bouncing off the walls or doing manic ridiculously out of order, scary stuff (FJ&SJ, that’s a private thought but I wanted to mark it in black and white) so I just have to deal with those how ever I can. And now when the good things happen I enjoy them and don’t feel guilty about it (Guilt is a waste of time and energy!!!!). (as and aside if you Google “Enjoy the good and ride out the bad” this blog shows up on the first page :)).

“Live in the moment” we all know what this means, life can be complicated for many reasons but if we don’t concentrate on the now and enjoy what we can what is the point? I have heard this phrase a thousand times but it was said to me last night and it finally made sense!!!!!

“Words are powerful to me” because they work as a “trigger” in reverse, I know what these words mean and I know what I have to do (sometimes I cant do what I have to do but “It is what it is”), Maybe they are just a distraction technique, perhaps they are a placebo effect, perhaps this time next week these motto’s will no longer help, but today they do and that’s all that really matters.

*Disclaimer – I am a hypocrite because I have things in my mind that I want to happen, but if I spend all my time trying to make them happen exactly the way I want I’m not going to have time to enjoy what is happening and whatever has happened before I can’t change. The things that I want to happen are very new things for me so i’m gunna enjoy then as much as I possibly can and gather together as many “Gem” moments as possible :).

I know there were other points I wanted to make in this post but I cant remember them at the moment……

I had a very proud moment the other day by promoting this blog on Twitter as much as I could my Followers increased massively and I got an awful lot of RT’s and Favourites. One of my favourites was a fantastic description of me and my blog: –

junction project

In a Twitter conversation with @unsuicide I suggested a campaign called “Time to Type” and it was suggested I setup a Hashtag, this I had to Google and I have now setup #timetotype. Talking is important but how often do we talk today, we type a lot more! So if you get chance please use #timetotype.

And for now… last but definitely not least thank you to all that have followed, replied, RT’d, Favourited etc over the last couple of days, please keep doing it. If you like what I say/type please let me know and if you disagree let me know as well!!

Keep Smiling 🙂



A Bit Cheeky

Last night and this morning my Tweets total has gone from 1024 to 1172, I tweeted anyone I follow and anyone who follows me (apart from those that have already RT’d me) with this: –


Yes it was a bit cheeky and could be considered as a bit spamish, but I was polite, I am overwhelmed with the response. My followers increased from 50 to 65, not big numbers yet but that’s an increase of 30%, my Connect page was awesome RT’s, Reply’s, Favourites and new Followers all over the shop, including some famous people………… Bostin ay it!!

I have tried to Tweet “Thank You” to everyone and have Followed the new Followers, I have tweeted an apology for anyone I’ve missed, blaming my “stupidity” as my excuse. I’m not actually stupid, perhaps academically stupid but I have a certain level of intelligence. The real excuse for missing anyone will be my complete inability to concentration for long periods of time (long periods being more than 5 minutes!), lack of concentration is a symptom of mental illness, I have now begun to wonder if my poor academic achievements are also down to mental illness, well I say “I have now begun to wonder…” in fact my wondering has stopped because it doesn’t matter….. cant change it move on.

I class myself as “Intellectually Challenged” and I’m happy with that 🙂

I’m not going to rant and rave today because today is a positive day all I’m going to say is Recovery from Alcoholism or Mental Illness (in my opinion!) is as complicated as you make it. You probably disagree and I will probably disagree with me when I read this back in the future but, I got off the booze because of Bupa they paid for my month at the Woodbourne Priory Birmingham. I’m pretty sure I would not have been able to do it with AA or Aquarius I had to be taken out of the real world and concentrate on one thing. In February I will be 11 years sober, I am and always will be an alcoholic, I still miss the booze but in the end not drinking was pretty “uncomplicated” (that’s not true but lets go with it). I basically got Step 1: –

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

My Mental Illness recovery is still on going, but I have come a very long way!! I took a backwards step over the last week or so but oddly I’m happy about this because it has made me realise I’m not as stable as I thought so need to reevaluate. However I find my recovery easier to deal with when I keep it “uncomplicated” and I do this with a couple of “uncomplicated” motto’s: –

“Enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

“It is what it is”

I’m sure there are others but I cant remember them at the moment (told you “Intellectually Challenged”), if there are others they will be on this blog somewhere.

I have a long way to go to return to “Normality” (“return to” is a bit strong as I’ve never been a “Normal”!) but I know I am better than I have ever been, I have feelings now, I now know I can feel. I am better than I have ever been because finally I am addressing it and not just trying to hide and ignore it.Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

That’ll do for today…..

Keep Smiling 🙂

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6th January 2014

At the end of 6th January 2014 I posted on Facebook “Well 6th January 2014….. It’s been emotional… Bring on the next one and we will have another go” It was a strange day….. It started with a Rethink meeting called “Coffee and Cope” (every time I tell anyone that they hear the word Cope as Coke, it’s my Yamyam/Brummy accent :)), it was a good meeting. The last couple of meetings I have come away a little stressed and manic but Monday’s meeting was good. In the afternoon I went to a meeting that will change my future quite a lot, I wont say what the meeting was about until it is all official but the outcome is life changing, in both a bad and good way…. (?). Life changing moments bad and good can be huge triggers for me I never know if I am going to spiral out of control, but I didn’t :). The motorway journey was cool and there were no thoughts of sticking the car into the barrier, which may sound odd but it is a huge thing for me :).  (Suicidal Thoughts, gunna speak about them in a bit). If i’m honest, and unfortunately I am, it doesn’t even have to be life changing moments that can trigger a spiral it can be as simple as changing plans….. Changing plans happen all the time and now I cope with them, partly because of “it is what is is”, nothing in life is guaranteed, now I know that there aint no stopping me…..Movie Fifty Shades Darker (2017)

I had a therapy session yesterday and it went really well it is leading up to a therapy called Mindfulness, anyway one of the sentences I came out with was along the lines of “I have loads of coping mechanisms but I now know I can’t trust or rely on any of them completely”. I think this is a realistic approach because if you rely on one specific thing and it doesn’t work then you will spiral out of control….. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!!! I try all my different things and if none of them work I stop trying and save my energy…. “Enjoy the good and ride out the bad”. We have all had those times when we “Know” it’s never going to get better and we have survived them and been proved very wrong, we may all have those times again, but that’s cool we actually do “Know” we can survive them and it will get better!!!!

My Mom said to me yesterday “I think we both knew this would happen one day” she was talking about me finally breaking and she is right, I knew it would happen one day and although it has been horrendous at times I am actually happy it has now happened. The daily struggle of keeping going is fucking hard work and in the end is what destroyed me but now I have the opportunity to rebuild. Starting again at 40 seems a bit scary at times and I am sure it will have it’s ups and downs but whats the alternative? Answer, There ain’t one… I hope people don’t mind me saying this… Just look at our Military coming home with massive physical and emotional scars, those men and women are inspirational, if we can follow there example we can’t go wrong. I’ve just read some bad news about the ex-servicemen in the Dakar Rally, I think these are the guys that were on Top Gear, when I watched that episode I got close to tears but when Richard Hammond was speaking with them talking about there injuries and what they got up to in hospital it was amazing, those guys are amazing and massively inspirational!! I know I have gone off on a bit of a tangent but what could be more inspirational than these men and women? Answer, Nothing!

As an aside my Mom also informed me I have been spelling “Soba” wrong it should be “Sober”…… D’oh!!Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

Ok, lets talk about Suicidal Thoughts, it’s not a nice subject but it is a real subject. I don’t have them these days which is awesome, in part I think these are no longer an issue for me because I talked about them on here, with family, with friends and even with work colleagues….. Why not, they are a matter of fact and if we don’t talk about them they will not go away. Suicidal thoughts are not rational, they make no sense but they exist and they are very real, they have to be addressed. Please don’t keep suicidal thoughts to yourself, yes they will upset people but they are probably upset anyway because they don’t like to see you feeling so unwell and feel they can’t do anything to help. If you can’t speak to family or friends tell your GP or a local Mental Health charity or the Samaritans, there are options please use one of them!!!

A little bit about your family and friends being upset seeing you unwell, my guess is you are feeling guilty about the pressure you are putting on them….. well don’t!!!!! Simple as that!!! You didn’t ask for your illness, you didn’t do anything to make your illness happen it just happened and is happening. Don’t waste your energy on guilt you need your energy to battle the big stuff. If they didn’t want to help they wouldn’t and if it was the other way around you know you would want to help them and would be horrified if they felt guilty receiving your help.

As usual this post ended up being something it wasn’t going to be in the first place, but I think that is good it’s just the ramblings of a strange man with an illness that is getting better. I hope you got something from it?

I’m also a philosopher (nope didn’t I spell that right at the first attempt!) I posted this on FB just after midnight recently: –

It is now tomorrow so today (yesterday) is gone, tomorrow (today) is a new start and the day after today (tomorrow) matters when today (tomorrow) has gone…. Life’s simple really ?

Keep Smiling ?

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Mind, Body and Soul

I felt an overwhelming urge to post something today I didn’t know what then from nowhere the phrase “Mind, Body and Soul” popped into my noggin, so I decided to Google exactly what this phrase means….. None of the explanations work for me, plus I have the concentration power of a biscuit so I couldn’t be arsed to read them.

I think the “Mind Body and Soul” phrase came from my subconscious mind (I know a bit about this these days as I have downloaded so many hypnosis sleep App’s!!!). I am pretty sure my mental health and previous booze issues have taken My Mind, My Body and My Soul poked at them for many years and then decided to smash them to bits last year………. I was broken……… Now it is time to rebuild and the rebuild has begun. The builders I am using have been messing me about a bit so I have sacked the foreman and employed another, he is a bit wet behind the ears and new to the job but there is something about him, he has passion, he has determination, he has fight and he seems to have the abilities of a Weeble…………..       (Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down).

So, a while a go I read a memoir by a guy called Danny Baker I have mentioned him a couple of times before, some people find him too positive, I do sometimes, but there is something about him. I have tweeted him on Twitter and told him he helped switch back on my fight with his memoir. I have mentioned on this blog before that my recovery is a changing thing something will help for a while and then it begins to hinder so I have to find a different approach. I talk a lot about “Having Fight”, with no fight mental health will destroy you, your mind will keep telling you stuff that hurts and when it finds the right thing to hurt you it will batter you with it constantly, when you get used to that and it no longer bothers you your mind will find something else and start to batter you again. I talk a lot about “Battle” pretty much the same thing, you have to “Fight and Battle” to get your daily wins, sometimes you have to “Fight and Battle” just to get out of bed and have a shower. Who are the best people at Fighting and Battling?………. The Military, and of course the British Military are the best of the best.

I am my own soldier in my own war of the noggin, but mental health doesn’t just effect the mind it takes the whole of you, beats the shit out of you and then dumps you in a pile of shit and carries on laughing and poking and kicking you around the floor…..

Mental Health Destroy’s Your Mind, Body and Soul…

We have all seen the military films, there is always one recruit who fucks up and gets all the punishments but they always turn out to be the best recruit (Light bulb moment?). I have heard this said before and I have just Googled it and Google is never wrong, Google is your friend….

The Military……..

Essentially they are breaking down your civilian attitude and building you into a soldier.

Mental health……..

Essentially it breaks you down (Mind, Body and Soul) and you have to rebuild yourself.

A friend recently sent me a message on Facebook and suggested I should listen to a song and the chorus goes like this…..

In my recovery, I’m a soldier at war, I have broken down walls, I defined, I designed, My recovery……..

Keep Smiling 🙂

Please have a look at this page as well

Bring it on then 2014

2013 is over (talk about stating the obvious!)

2014 is here (FFS Jon your intelligence is on fire today dude!)

So what is 2014 going to bring?….. if you read a recent post my answer to that has a lot of swear words in so I will make it a little more pleasant……. I don’t know and don’t really care……. I do care but I will be taking it as it comes, day by day as much as I possibly can and get me a collection of Daily Wins….. hopefully!!

One of the first things I have to do is fill out lots of crappy forms to ensure I can receive my £71.70 per week, yup 1st January 2014 is the day I am officially receiving benefits, previously this would of bothered me a lot!!! I have always worked and over the last few years it has been based around sales in different guises. I have been made redundant a number of times, one time was after 7 days of starting with the company but I always just walked into another job, the reason for this is I am bloody good at what I do,  give me a target and I will smash it. The only target I struggled with is the volume one, but look at any of my figures and you will see volume is not important, quality counts and I brought quality. Hopefully one day telesales companies will realise they have to take the risk, reduce the volume targets and reap the benefits of quality!!!!!!!

The next thing I want to do is get a couple of tattoos, I’ve been banging on about getting a sleeve for a long time, but I can’t afford that at the moment….. I was going to base it around “bad comes good” on my forearm was going to be my “pit of doom” with the “demons” climbing out, I want the demons on my forearm so I could keep an eye on the little bastards at all times. Moving up the arm to a Smile Now Cry Later image, cus this sums up my life for the last 10 years, I don’t think that needs explaining? I would say moving to the “Bicep” area but I need to get me some of them bad boys first so I will just say the top of the arm was going to include lots of good things…. possibly “12 Steps” with the first step being a bright colour to signify that I have got “Step 1”, sobriety symbol, a butterfly (not very manly but very significant!) and a bit of a sunset to signify a new day? A few mansell’isms as well (words I have nicked to make me look thoughtful and deep). The tattoos I have decided on are just going to symbolise “now” and past significant dates. (possibly a stick man???)

After those things I don’t really know what is next (that is a lie but I have to keep a few things to myself).

Doing this blog has been amazing for me, I hope it has helped others as well, I know it has because some of you have told me so, but I also have to bear in mind it has probably damaged a few things for me as well!! My future job prospects and my future relationships being a couple of things that will of been damaged, who is going to want to take the risk to employ or get close to a Mentalist (I know words like that are not good for some people but it is how I cope with it, sorry). I have 2 illnesses…. “Alcoholism” yes in February I will be 11 years soba, but I am still an alcoholic, always have been and always will be, and “Mental”. Both are scary things to normal folk but I can state now for the record: –

Yup, I have issues but I am one of the most decent people you are ever likely to meet, loyal, honest, hard working, giving and of course incredibly handsome, maybe even beautiful!! 🙂

I know,  what a tosser eh! “hey ho” “it is what it is” & “that’s it really”

“that’s it really” is not a mansell’ism, it may become one? I have definitely stolen that one from someone. Unfortunately I didn’t know her for long, I met her through a Mental Health charity called Rethink (look them up, they do good stuff!). The last time I saw her she was really excited about Christmas, she gave me a Christmas card which I now have in a clip frame, she made me promise I would go to my brothers for Christmas day because she didn’t want me to be on my own. I found out on Monday that she had died, before Christmas. We got on instantly, I recongnised her from the area, probably for the wrong reasons. I don’t like putting it like that but I am just being honest, i’m not going to explain, but I got to know her a bit and as Danny Dyer would say “she waz a facking diamond”. During one meeting I was worried I had upset her a bit, but eventually she turned around and said things like “i’m starting to like you, you’re a cheeky one aren’t you”, “you’re trouble aren’t you?”, “you make me laugh, you’re funny”. One day I noticed she hadn’t brought a drink, she was obviously skint so I purchased her a Coke and she didn’t stop saying thank you, that for me, maybe selfishly, is a “gem” moment in my life :). I hope she was as happy as she seemed at the end, looking forward to watching her new DVD (The Croods), looking forward to Christmas and spending time with her family and especially spending more time with her sister and her nephews. I’m going to miss her at our meetings on a Monday……………….. RIP xxx

So….. Bring it on then 2014, your brother, 2013, kicked the shit out of me but I am still standing, your brother kicked the shit out of many people but they are still standing. 2014 you ain’t got nothing that I and others cant deal with, there will be things you bring that will knock us about a bit, but we will come back at you again and again and everyday day we will kick the shit out of you!!

Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down…..

Happy New Year everyone.

Keep smiling 🙂