I’ve been told today…..

I’ve been told today…..

Since my noggin doc appointment on Monday I haven’t been very well, partly through exhaustion (I know pathetic I don’t even work!!), partly through anger, partly through fear, partly through new meds (I like the new meds they make me feel very very relaxed, almost high 🙂 ).….

Let’s be honest there are many many reasons for me not being very well the main one being that I am mentally ill, so I’m gunna stop mulling it over in my noggin and I’m gunna blast a few things out randomly and then see what happens…..

I’ve been going down hill for weeks and fighting it
I’ve been getting frustrated with people (I now know that was me frustrated with me)
I’m scared what an actual diagnosis will do to my noggin
I’m scared I’ll never be able to work again
I’m scared I’ll never be “fixed”
I’m scared I don’t know who I am (cus I’ve not been me for so long I’ve been “Jon”)
I’m scared no one will ever be able to love me and trust me
I’m scared, I’m frightened, I’m pathetic, I’m not man enough

Oh yes and I’m feeling sorry for myself!!!!

Yes, I’ve been going down hill and fighting it because that’s what us mentalists do, we fight!
Yes, I’m frustrated at me, that’s good because I’m frustrated cus I know I’m better than this!
Who gives a shite about an actual diagnosis, book monkeys ain’t got a clue anyway!
Work, well if it comes to it and you can’t work again, fuck it, it is what it is!
Fixed, fixed doesn’t exist, everybody out there is bonkers they just don’t know it yet!
Who am I? I’m a good person, that’s all that matters!
If no one can trust and love me, then tough….. Shit happens!
Scared, no your not! Frightened, no your not! Pathetic, no your not! Man enough, yes you fucking are!

Right, that solves that…. Doesn’t it?

Nope!

I’m gunna feel a little sorry for myself for a bit, I won’t be smiling all the time, I might even keep my gob still for a bit and reflect or maybe I’ll #ReevaluateAdaptChange …. Again….

I have been told today that I need to concentrate on myself which I’m going to do.

The amazing person who told me this also said many other amazing things to me which I am going to keep to myself, all I will say is it was exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you, you have just stopped a Nutjob going into a full meltdown xx

Oddly I’ve had a couple of DM’s on Twitter today that have given me more fight and belief, I hope you will get something from them aswell….

Anon 1

I will RT your mission re: mental illness Xxxxxx You’re RockStar Jon, bravo!

Me
Thank you…. RockStar? I wish xx
How’s things your end? X

Anon 1
Things busy in NYC & I’m not fond of summer. Ok if not RockStar then Lord of Raomi Land (Raise awareness on mental illness) xxo

…that’s as witty as I get at 6:31 am NYC time…. Sorry I did not see your message until just now. Have a great day Jon.Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

These words blew me away! How amazing for someone to take their time to say that to me!!

Anon 2

I normally hate it when people turn my stuff into “their stuff”, but I’m going to do exactly that here…
For the past 20 years ish I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks with nobody ever really knowing why, and tbh that was my own fault, I’ve spent time having different therapies – inc a month at the priory as an in-patient after a catatonic breakdown, and although it helped I still wasn’t “well”…
Last year again I was back on meds and I finally got regular weekly counselling on the NHS. I don’t know what was different about this counsellor, but after 20 years I was finally honest about everything. My ex husband had been abusive in the worst ways but the long mental abuse really fucked me up (lol)… anyway.. point is, that after only 16 sessions of nhs counselling I’m now a different person. I genuinely now believe that if you stick at it long enough eventually you will meet a healthcare professional who u will click with and who can get you to unlock all the crap. Don’t get me wrong it was hideous and the flashbacks and nightmares were awful BUT if a fucked up nightmare can be “cured” whilst having treatment for cancer, ANYONE can… before treatment I couldn’t even get hugs from my kids round my neck cause it would trigger flashbacks… now I can swing them round my head & shoulders without a worry! I even gave my ex a lift recently without a panic attack.
Keep asking for weekly sessions as tablets only mask what’s going on inside. You CAN get through anything, I can see how strong and determined you are, please just believe in yourself and that you WILL get there 🙂 xx

Me
You are amazing!!!
How do you feel about being quoted on my blog?
Understand if no
I think I’ve met my healthcare professional

Anon 2

I am very NOT amazing lol! Not sure what in my blethering is quotable, but sure lol!
I can see you’re a fighter and have faith in u s’all 🙂

All I can say is inspirational, and thank you x

Right so I’m gunna concentrate on myself for a couple of weeks see if I can get a few positive things moving forward, watch this space?

I need and it is a need not a want, I NEED more guest bloggers, new bloggers, return bloggers, mentalist bloggers, alcoholic bloggers (both active and retired), mentalists and alcoholics victims bloggers, “normal” bloggers etc etc. As I hope you know by now no subject is off the table!!!!

Some of you will be thinking “I wish I could write something, but I can’t” bollox to that yes you can, write something and send it to me…. I wrote something for a friend the other day and he wrote back and told me it was shite…. Well, that’s the point it might not be perfect but it’s what’s in your noggin at the time and what’s in your noggin is more than likely in someone else’s noggin and reading it will help them, writing it will help you so just bloody write it….

Sometimes we have to be told, I’ve been told today and now so have you….

Keep Going 😉

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

oh and don’t forget my book

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//

Got something to say? Yes you have!!!

G’day hope you are all well or even well’ish……

I got a bit thorfull and emotional yesterday and posted a couple of things on Facebook, well if I’m honest I probably posted about 102 posts, think I might be a little addicted to FB and Twitter it’s almost as if I have an addictive personality….. Who’d of thunk it???

image

image

I woke this morning about 5:30am and have been wide awake since then, I have the urge to write something but I’ve decided to keep my gob shut (fingers still) for a change and ask you guys for some more guest posts. There are NO subjects off limits so you can write whatever your heart and noggin wants to.

This will sound a little “ooohhhh look at me” but I don’t really care cus yes I am after attention I want attention for exboozehound so exboozehound can help more people…. Again that sounds a little “ooohhhh look at me” but I have had a lot of private messages saying I have helped people and the words of previous guest posters have helped people as well and we HAVE to keep talking or indeed typing about all this so that no “odd thought” or “mentalist feelings” are kept hidden away, if we hide them they destroy us!!!live streaming film King Arthur: Legend of the Sword online

I was told a new inspirational quote the other day by a new very talented friend and I wanted to share it….

image

Good’un ain’t it?!

Ok get your thinking cap on, strap on a pair and write me summit, something that will inspire people to work everyday to overcome their personal demons. If a proper numpty like me can do it you can do it as well!!!

Keep Going 😉

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance

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//

I hurt daily

Don’t worry I’m not after sympathy it’s just a fact…. Each and every day I feel pain, excruciating mental pain…. But every single last bit of that pain is worth it as the alternative is something I don’t think about these days!!!!

My whole life I have considered myself a failure, a loser, a waste of a human being, a useless c**t!!!!

I never found anything that I excelled at, I was pretty much shite at everything!!!!

I have now found what I am good at and that is BEING ME…. Who’d of thunk it??

If I never achieve anything else in life I know I have achieved something that money cannot buy…. I received a message (a while back) saying I stopped someone killing themselves and that my blog was one of the only things keeping them going….

Currently I am doing a lot of strange things and making decisions that people think are based on my mania…. A lot of them are…. One of them isn’t!!!!

I’ve purchased a watch today, that I can’t afford, but I wanted something special to remember this FANTASTIC and HORRENDOUS time of my life…. Something other that tattoos (soz Mom x) the next tattoo idea is almost ready to go, needs a little bit of tweaking and drawing properly but it will be something like this: –

image

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last couple of days pulling together the final draft of my “memoir” (that word sucks!), it’s 225 pages and I’m now going to look into self publishing, I have had some great advice already 🙂 . I think the title is going to be: –

@exboozehound – “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4
#ReevaluateAdaptChange
#PassionBeliefAcceptance




Stick a fork in me I’m done (ish)

Quick and simple post…….. Hopefully?!watch full movie Assassin’s Creed 2016 online

on Thursday a friend put this on Face Book….

“How about just be you mate? Your a smashing guy, you dont need to change, you may have to do a little bit of tweaking from time to time but thats it.”

Yup…. I cried
Nope…. I’m not ashamed of that!

Yesterday I posted this….

On Thursday I shed a few tears

Grrrrrrr I’ve just lost the words I have typed this morning 3 times Grrrrrrr. Patience has run out I may return to this….. Grrrrrrr

Keep smiling 🙂

Right, let’s try again….

Yesterday I posted this….
“On Thursday I shed a few tears

FFS fucking crashed again…. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!

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//

Just popping by to say hi…..

Hi all, I just wanted to pop back to say “hi”. I’m still trying to take a back seat for a while, because the last few weeks have made me quite unwell! I’m trying to concentrate (lol) on other stuff. Some of this stuff is exciting, terrifying, upsetting, emotional, unexpected, enjoyable, very very enjoyable 😉 , unbelievable, blowing my mind, frightening and confusing for others, going my way 🙂 , not going my way (but I understand!!) 🙁 . I think you get the picture????

I wanted to mention I have some more guest blogs coming up, one hopefully this week and then others to follow… A number of people from all different sides of the different stories have showed an interest and said they would do a post, you know who you are, so fingers crossed. If you would like to do a guest blog, please let me know 🙂 .

The next bit makes me feel like a bit of a tool, buy hey ho, if that hat fits wear the bastard….

I am writing a book…. (Numpty!!). In fact, I think it will be a memoir as I googled it and I can get away with 60000 words…. I have written 15000 words and asked someone who was very inspirational to me to read it. They have read it and given me some feedback. This person is pretty up front, in a good way, I know they wouldn’t give me any bollox and would tell me straight. I was blown away by the response, below is a few snippets of their feedback.

(Thank you C xx)….

“Just finished it…. …I made a cuppa and read your book. I’m saying book as I totally believe you will finish it and also believe that when you do, your ‘memoir’ will be a snippet of a life you are really about to live….”

“You want my honest opinion? Here goes….”

“I love your language, it’s your speak and makes your reader relate. Yeh there’s a few spellings here and there….”          (Pot/Kettle “yeh”)

“All in all it’s “punched me in the gob” and thank you so so much for allowing me to read it so far. Would I pay for it on kindle? Honestly? Yes”

I can’t follow that with useful words, so I won’t….

Catch you soon.

Keep Smiling 🙂

#timetotype
#ReadReplyRetweetRepeatx4

Guest Post “Tribute to Jon”

Had to prefix the title with “Guest Post”. “Tribute to Jon”  is not a title I could use!! People would think “oooh look at him!!”
 (I couldn’t think of another way of saying that without some pretty unpleasant swear words…… and i’m trying to mature??)

Without further a do, here is a guest post from my Twitter buddy Alex, Peace Out Dude (double chest pump)

Tribute to Jon. Man who taught me the word Noggin (plus other things!!!)

I think Jon’s was the first blog I have ever followed. I think so. It was definitely one of the first 2 or 3, if not the first. I came into contact with him not long after I joined Twitter which I think was Dec 2013. I just noticed his blog from looking at the list of people another Twitter pal was following. I think I responded to a comment someone had made on his blog asking him to “man up” and “stop moaning”. I remember Jon handling that comment really well. I then read about his 10 years plus of being off the booze and I was hooked on his blog! That and the Twitter profile picture he had at the time that reminded me of Charles Bronson (the notorious convict) LOL.

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The old Twitter profile

I’m a student mental health nurse (first year). Jon doesn’t seem to mind me “representing” the NHS in some ways. He is often sounding off about the NHS and like anyone, he is entitled to voice his opinion, which for him is based on his experience of the NHS.

I was honoured when he asked if I’d consider writing a “guest blog”. I am not a blogger and the blogging world is very new to me. I had a completely different idea of what to write earlier today. I’m waiting an essay result tonight (Friday) from my University degree and am very anxious about it and was going to write a blog called “F*** this Anxiety”, but I am not sure how relevant it would have been to his blog to be honest, so I had a rethink.

It’s possible this is a cop out and I’ve ended up writing more about him than me here. I think when I am bit more “up and running” and confident with writing about myself or writing about something that would really interest his readers I will ask him if I can do another piece on here.

However for now, I’d like to make this more about him than me. There’s other reasons for this. He has just completed 11 years sober. That achievement speaks for itself. No need for me to add words like amazing, fantastic and wonderful when we all already know that. He’s been a good person for me to get to know as he has, and will continue to hopefully, teach me a thing or two about addiction. I’ve worked in the mental health field for many years, and supported people with addictions, but I’ve never really specialised in addiction work and so my general mental health knowledge is much stronger than my knowledge in addiction.

This is also the guy that was my inspiration behind getting involved with DryAthlon. That was basically eliminating booze for January 2014 to raise funds for Cancer Research. He even sponsored me £10 which was the 2nd highest figure I got and he has never even met me! Plus I know he is operating on a limited budget, so I was a bit blown away with that. Jon is also the person responsible for me coming into contact with someone on twitter called Judy @HeyJudeusa. He had pointed me in the direction of an interview she gave about losing her son to mental illness. Since then I’ve had a few chats with her on-line and am really happy to have become acquainted with her.

Oh, and Noggin. I believe that’s Jon’s word for his “mind” or his “brain”, although I might stand to be corrected on that! It might even be a true word for all I know. Often I’m not sure if some of his words are “the language of Jon” or actual words that I haven’t heard of LOL.Watch movie online The Transporter Refueled (2015)

Peace Out

Alex
@AJ628studentMH

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11 Years Soba

21st February slight addition, please also read these 2 pages
Back in 5’ish minutes
Random Thoughts

Yes I know I have spelt soba wrong, it should be sober but hey ho, shit happens. I guarantee this won’t be the only spelling mistake…..

Somehow I completely forgot that today the 18th February 2014 I am 11 years soba…… I was only talking about it the other day with a mate, I’ve known him since play school (he was a fat little git back then 😉 ). If you’ve read other posts, this mate happens to be the George Best to my Oliver Read (I think he was Best, could of been Greavesie but for some reason my memory is a little hazy at times…). I was around his catching up. I told him something very personal, I know I can trust him with my life and vice versa!! We laughed about the amount of booze I chucked down my neck on the 17th February 2003, and the look on my Moms face when I told the booze clinic nurse what I’d drunk the night before…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my mates are definitely not the most sensitive bunch of guys in the world!!!! But they completely and utterly accept I’m a mentalist alcoholic. I’ll give you a little example of the sensitivity levels… When I got my beating I lost a number of teeth that cost £4k to replace…. The same mates comment wasn’t “it must of been hard to go through all that dentistry work” or “how do you feel, is there any pain?” Nope….. He said “to be honest Mans they did you a favour cus your teeth were shite before….” I’d class that as quite a sensitive comment…..

Last night I got a message on Face Book from him saying “….oh forgot to say 11 years today great going mate !!!” I thought “what for?”…. Then I looked at the date….”Fuck me tomorrow I’m 11 years soba!!!” Ok I’m not “perfect” with noggin stuff, but I’m stronger than I’ve EVER been and I know my mind better than I’ve EVER known it!! I’m manic now and then, which I don’t like, I’m impulsive at times, which I do like but people I love aren’t to keen on, I’m very depressed and tired at times (or as someone who should know better wrote in a letter “in low mood” I kid you not!!), my noggin buzzes, my body twitches, me and sleep ain’t good buddies, I have the concentration of a backward gold fish, the list goes on, blah, blah, blah…. But and this is a big BUT “I’m as happy as a pig in shite!!” Doesn’t make sense? No, probably not, but “it is what is is” I constantly reevaluate, adapt and change my coping mechanisms and I simply “enjoy the good and ride out the bad”.

Right let’s get back to the booze thing…..

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IF I CAN GIVE IT UP ANYONE CAN…… YES I WAS A FUNCTIONING ALCOHOLIC, I HAD A JOB ETC, BUT BOOZE WAS ALWAYS ON MY MIND. IF I WASNT DRINKING IT I WAS THINKING ABOUT DRINKING IT, WHEN I WAS DRINKING IT I WAS THINKING HAVE I GOT ENOUGH TO GET ME THROUGH? BOOZE WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE NOTHING WAS MORE IMPORTANT…….. NOTHING!!!

If you know or think or are told you have an issue with booze (or drugs, but I can’t really talk about that) eventually it will kill you or someone else. No that’s not “shock tactics” bollox, it is fact!!! And it’s not just the old soaks in the street that die, the rich and famous do as well…. I’m not going to list them we all know who they are. They have all the money in the world to pay for rehab but if they don’t get it they don’t get it!! A non alcoholic can’t possibly understand. I’ve just had a thought pop into my noggin so I’m gunna roll with it “it’s like being possessed, you know you have to stop but something tells you you can’t, how the fuck are you going to go the rest of your life without booze ha ha ha ha ha ha…..” At this moment that comment allows me to hit the nail on the head, I will contradict this at some point I may have already done so, but, if someone asks me “will you never drink again?” I can’t answer “Yes” with complete honesty. I can say with 99.9% certainty that I can’t drink again! but every now and then the thought creeps into my head “I wonder if I could control it now?”. Oof!!! That is dangerous thinking, that is alcoholic thinking, my noggin is playing games with me and lying to me like it has done so many times before. Don’t think about never having booze again, think about each day as it comes.. (Cliche? Yes! but it works!!).

I BELIEVE THAT IF I WAS TO HAVE JUST ONE DRINK MY WORLD WOULD IMPLODE, I HAVENT GOT ANOTHER RECOVERY IN ME…. FACTS IS FACTS!! I FUCKING LOVE BOOZE, I FUCKING LOVE BEING BEYOND PISSED, I FUCKING LOVE BEING OUT OF IT AND THAT IS BECAUSE I AM AN ALCOHOLIC, I WAS BORN AN ALCOHOLIC AND I WILL DIE AN ALCOHOLIC. HOPEFULLY I WILL DIE A SOBA ALCOHOLIC. I WILL USE ALL THE TOOLS I HAVE GATHERED TOGETHER OVER THE LAST 11 YEARS AND IF THEY STOP WORKING I WILL REEVALUATE, ADAPT AND GET SOME DIFFERENT FUCKING TOOLS…… ITS BLOODY EASY!!! (It’s not easy but what’s the alternative?…… Oh yes that’s it death!!!)

Let’s jump back a bit, why did I mention my mates aren’t the most sensitive guys in the world? I wanted to show that even harsh, banter-full neh down right abusive MEN (soz guys but you know it’s true and we wouldn’t have it any other way) will accept any shit if you are honest with them. It would of been more difficult when we were 20 but I’m pretty sure if I had of strapped on a pair back then and spoke to my mates they would of accepted it, yes they would of took the piss but they would of accepted it. So strap on a pair and talk to someone, if you really can’t talk to your friends or family call one of the many help lines out there, go to AA (I’m not an advocate of AA but they have helped millions of people) or if you want, send me a message on here or exboozehound.co.uk@gmail.com or @exboozehound…. I’m not a qualified expert, I won’t be there for you 100% of the time unconditionally but I won’t bullshit you I will tell it how it is and if I have to I will tell you to do one. We can’t pussy around with this shit anymore, YOU have to find YOUR coping mechanisms!! They will be different to mine, they will be different to the coping mechanisms that AA preach, they will be different from that son of Brenda’s friend down the road, they will be YOUR ADAPTABLE COPING MECHANISMS!! Many of my mechanisms are stolen and adapted from AA but there is no way I would wear their full tool belt it would fuck me up!!

I didn’t actually want to post anything today because I wanted AL’s guest post to be the landing page for a few days, but I guess I had to, 11 years…. Miracles do happen!! (No I don’t believe in God or a higher power but I can’t think of a better word than miracles) Please check out this link to AL”s guest post.

Keep smiling 🙂

Time to finalise my celebration tattoo… Shhhh it’s a secret x

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The Evolution Of Awesome Lady

A guest post from a new friend

“The Evolution Of Awesome Lady”streaming film The Danish Girl 2015

The Internet can be a truly amazing place. “World Wide Web” is a pretty apt name when you really think about it. Little spiders we are, placed perfectly in our own part of the world, yet interconnected and able to reach each other if we know which way to spin our next sticky thread.

Recently, my crazy love of music, helping others and the aforementioned “web” have combined to take me to some pretty wild and unexpected places! One such adventure started the day I was checking my Twitter account, where I anonymously retweet words that I find upbeat and inspiring (you can follow me at @just_zen if you are so inclined). That day an RT by Billy Idol (@BillyIdol) (thank you for the music Mr Broad and also for my newfound friend Jon!) happened to catch my eye. Billy was retweeting a blog and something about the blogger’s name “exboozehound.co.uk” caught my attention. It was truly a serendipitous moment as it resonated with an issue in my own life at the time. I love learning, so I clicked through to Jon’s blog and started reading!

Soon after I began reading, it became obvious to me that Jon’s blog was not just about booze. It was a melting pot for all mental health issues, including depression. “I know about that!” I thought to myself! And as my mother would always say to me growing up, “You just have to put your two cents’ worth in, don’t you!” (I could be a very critical, snarky child, especially when my parents’ behaviour didn’t align with what they were telling me I should be doing.) I felt an overwhelming need to contact Jon, compliment him on his bravery for sharing his story and then, well yes, LOL, put my 2p in!

Hence started our little chats about life and what it means to be content, positive and all those good things. It was after one of those chats that Jon bestowed the nickname “Awesome Lady” upon me (but we’ll get to that).

You see the thing is, I wasn’t always awesome…

Issues such as mental illness and alcoholism have plagued me my entire life. I’ve either been the direct sufferer or the “passive sufferer”. My parents’ drinking problems tainted my childhood and forced me to “grow up” far too soon, I have a sister with a serious incurable psychiatric illness and my own anxiety and depression took up way too much of twenties. If only I could have charged those feelings rent for the headspace they occupied for so long, LOL! But please do not pity me as it is because of all these things that I am resilient, loving and grateful today. My point in revealing this is simply to clarify why I feel qualified to speak on this topic.

My defining “light bulb mental health moment” (and I believe we do all eventually have them, so if you are reading this and suffering in some way, please don’t lose hope) came the day I realised that the opposite of depression was not happiness! This elusive destination – “happiness” – this abstract state of permanent euphoria that I thought would cure all my woes was not the answer to all the uncomfortable feelings I was experiencing! The opposite of depression, I discovered, was…drum roll… GRATITUDE!! Put simply, stop whinging, find what you do have and be bloody thankful that you have at least that! And it was in explaining this idea to Jon that I gained the nickname “Awesome Lady”. If you would like to know more on my thoughts about gratitude, I am sure that Jon, being the gentleman he is, might insert a hyperlink back to the blog post he dedicated our conversation about it here. “Gratitude” and “Love” are my mantras these days and have been for a long time now.

Gentleman???…. here’s the link anyway…. Gentleman???

We all have our light bulb moments. Be patient. Whether you are suffering or you are the “passive” sufferer who watches and feels the pain of a loved one suffering, please don’t give up. Never give up. Getting back up just one more time than you fall is all it takes. You could fall 100 times, but as long as you get back up that 100th time then you have won.

And to finish, just a final word on gratitude. If this sounds like something you might want to experiment with, here’s a little tip. You can really speed your own gratitude along by helping others.

Try it.

You might meet someone awesome along the way – someone like Jon. 😉

Awesome Lady x

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My mates rock!

It is currently 23:53, I’ve just got back from “The Pole” but I have to write….. I was gunna title this post “fuck me I’ve got something fucking awesome mates!!” But I’m more civilised now and swears are wrong, well swears are wrong in titles, the rest of this post will be littered with swears 🙂 .

Over the last few days I have caught up with a number of mates on a one to one basis, fucking weird we were talking like we were adults, talking about feelings and shit….WTF??? We have talked about some pretty deep shit but we have also had a good laugh!! Tonight I decided I would go over the Pole as I knew there were a couple of the guys there, there were more than a couple there were a good number. We had a laugh we talked a little bit about me being a mentalist and an alcoholic, but only a small part of the night was about that, most of it was playing a fucking complicated game of darts and talking bollox….

Some of the guys we are talking about I have known since play school, I think they are all aware of this blog and the fact I am an official nut job but they couldn’t give a shit, in a good way!!! I played one of the guys at squash earlier, I am a far superior master of the art of squash (even if I do say myself) but I have to admit he took a game off me….. This will not happen again!! I’m not making excuses, he played better in that game, but my noggin had gone off line a bit and having a good old buzz, I had twinges through my head and body. When that game finished I went to the front wall picked up my jacket and walked off court saying “just give me a minute” at this point I had my jacket over my head!! I wondered about a bit outside the court, gave a little shout, still with my jacket over my head, shook off the shit and went back on court. I must of looked like a proper nut job, but “B” didn’t question it we just started playing again. How cool is that!!! Me and my mates are not what you would call the most sensitive bunch of guys, if I’m honest I would say outsiders looking in would think we were a bunch of c**ts, but we know the score, abuse/banter is the name of the game….

Amongst these guys is a mate that got his jaw broken because of me, one of them I’ve always been convinced thought I was a proper c**t, I think he was one of the first to shake my hand. Some of the guys there I don’t know very well, I would imagine they had historically thought I was a bit of a c**t! I am certain that at some point or another I have done something to each of them that has fucked them off good a proper, because, and I’m not going to use *’s on this one so look away if you are easily offended, because when I drank I was a CUNT!!

We agreed on who it was who had said “get Mans a pint of cider it will be entertaining”, I did my usual thing of calling myself a loony, mentalist, nut job etc. There was a short discussion on alcoholic, recovering alcoholic, recovered alcoholic, I spouted a bit of my alcoholic wisdom. At one point I was on the floor demonstrating the plank. I had a good night and booze didn’t bother me one bit, it smelled lovely and I wanted it but I know I can’t, I think I will always miss booze but me and booze don’t mix well!!!!Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

So what’s the point of this post? Partly I want the guys to know how awesome they are, I want them to know it was me who walked away it wasn’t them not getting in touch. I found out this week that a guy who dipped in and out of the group had said to my brother that he thought “the group should of done more to help me”. Absolute bollox!!! I want them to know if any of them think like that at all, to understand that is absolute bollox. In fact they couldn’t of done anything more, they kept me alive. If they had tried to stop me drinking I would of gone elsewhere to drink, I might of ended up with the wrong crowd and gone off in a whole different direction. I know this for a fact because I did used to go off drinking by myself in pubs and came across some fucking unpleasant people and did some fucking unpleasant things!!!

So guys if you are reading this, thank you for being awesome and thank you for being c**ts (in a good way!!).

Also if you can please say sorry to all your wife’s cus I’m pretty sure I will of fucked them off as well!!

There is another point to this post…. I am mentally ill but I’m not ashamed of that, I ain’t happy about it I wish I wasn’t but I am so it has to be dealt with. Now I have accepted this fact and started to address it properly and am honest with everyone the world is such a better place, I want to be alive!!

If you are Mentally Ill, no matter what level of Mental Illness you have, fucking talk about it, type about it (#timetotype), if people have a problem with it, it’s their problem, fuck em off they aren’t worth it. Mentally Ill people are just Ill!! According to definition Mental Illness isn’t a terminal Illness….. Fucking book monkeys ain’t got a clue!!! If you are not honest, if you hide it, if you just try to strap on a pair, if you deny it, if you don’t ask for help, if you don’t get that help there is a strong chance that your “none terminal illness” will turn out to be just that!!

You will end up dead with alcoholism and/or Mental Illness, if not dead just simply proper fucked up with no return!!!

“enjoy the good and ride out the bad”

Keep smiling 🙂

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This is me

G’day, if you have been to this blog before……
You will know I never know where a post is going to go, I like this fact because it means it’s not planned so must be true.
You will also know I often contradict myself, I like this fact because it means it is my feelings at the time so must be true.

This post is different, I know where this post is going, I know I shouldn’t be typing right now because I have no filter to say “you can’t say that!”

First let me ask you a small favour, imagine I am on my knees and I am begging, if you think I am an good guy or if you think I’m a tosser PLEASE PLEASE SHARE, RT, REPOST, EMAIL, TALK ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO ENSURE ANOTHER PERSON IS AWARE OF THIS POST!!!

I am going to reintroduce myself, I am Jon, I am “exboozehound”, I am not PC, What I am has many descriptions a number of them are: –
Nut job
Mentalist
Nutter
Bonkers
Mad as a bucket of frogs
Etc etc

I am also an alcoholic, an alcoholic that has been soba (sorry mom sober) almost 11 years, but I choose to still call myself an alcoholic, many disagree with this, I don’t care!

I am 40, I am 6 foot tall, I have a younger brother who is taller, slimmer and better looking than me (I disagree with the last bit, but others don’t 🙁 ), I’m about 13 stone (maybe a smidge over?), I have size 12 feet 😉 (that’s a lie 🙁 ), I smoke (although officially I gave up in January), I am in love with someone but complications keep us apart, I’m awesome at squash, I’ve just completed the 30 day plank challenge, I did 20 press ups today, I did 5 chin ups last night, I have decided I am going to start skate boarding (I kid you not… Stoked man gunna get me a sick board), I am a very talented photographer 😉 , I love the Happy record, I hate the fact I love the Happy record and I am a bad influence on my two awesome nephews… Think that will do…. Are you still with me??

As we all know people with mental illness are weak, pathetic and dangerous. They should just pull themselves together, strap on a pair or just have a nice holiday….. ABSOLUTE BOLLOX!!!!! We are strong, courageous and only dangerous to ourselves. We try everyday to pull ourselves together, I have a pair (thank you very much) and a nice holiday can make things worse!!! Some people with mental illness become dangerous because they don’t get any treatment or perhaps more importantly the correct treatment. I’m not going to talk about specifics but we all watch the news.

Amongst other things I posted this on Facebook today: –
“It’s the attitude of a winner….. Although the whole of my life I have considered myself a loser, I now KNOW I AM A WINNER!! There is a perception that people with mental illness are weak, soft, dangerous…. None of that is true, speaking for myself I am STRONG, PERHAPS GENTLE AND NEVER EVER DANGEROUS (only to myself, but those times have passed!!). There ain’t nothing I can’t handle, NOTHING! X”

I have some statistics for you, I know booooring! I also know statistics can prove anything you want them to!!! These may not be completely accurate but I lost concentration and just went with the first ones I could find: –

Great Britain population – 63,000,000
Great Britain population under 18 – 13,860,000
Great Britain eligible voters – 49,140,000
65% of eligible voters vote – 31,941,000
1 in 4 of those votes are made
by people with mental illness – 7,985,250

1 in 4 have Mental illness (63mill x 25%) – 15,750,000
Let’s say each of those mentally
ill have 3 family members (so 4?) – 63,000,000

I’m not actually sure what my point is here but I think you will agree there is something interesting in those figures???

So, with those sort of statistics how is it us mentalist are being treated like fucking pointless morons, how is it we are given the wrong medication, how is it we are killing ourselves, how is it that mental illness isn’t as important as physical illness, how is it that stigma still exists, how is it we are sent home from A&E, how is it I was not just sent home but told I shouldn’t of gone there, how is it that your reputation can be affected your reputation isn’t affected if you have a physical illness, how is it that it takes months to see a proper noggin doc, how is it that I am having to make myself ill by continuing with a formal complaint with the NHS, how is it right that people within the NHS actually asked me to complain, how is it that the NHS think they can write me a bullshit letter and think I will go away, how is it that when I phoned a CRISIS LINE I got an automated message saying the mail box is full and you cannot leave a message, how is it I can be given a CRISIS LINE number and when I ring it the person who answers says because I’m not known to them I can’t talk to anyone, how is it when I called another CRISIS LINE it was engaged twice!! (I have to say at this point when they did phone back the lady was awesome), how is it that some GP’s give advice that is absolute bollox, how is it that when my GP faxed a local mental health centre to say he was concerned about the fact I had planned to kill myself the day before it took them two days to phone me, how is it that I now have two meetings in the next couple of weeks with my local MP and the NHS about my complaint, how is it that the guy I met from the NHS was genuinely caring and concerned but his boss is obviously a muppet with no clue about mental illness, how is it that muppet probably gets paid a ridiculous amount of money and I have to live on ESA because the NHS faffed about so much, how is it that the NHS actually made my illness worse (FACT!), how is it that if I had just relied on the NHS to help me I would be dead by now, how is it that I hear stories of people who have actually killed themselves because the NHS were shit in 2003 and are still shit now, how is it that mental illness is not considered a terminal illness, how is it that when I typed into Google “what’s the best way to” the fist option it gave was “die” and on the first page it talked about methods of suicide, how is it the these fucking MP’s are still getting away with spouting out absolute bollox when they know they will never fix the NHS because it’s not in their interest……….watch film Woman in Gold now

There are so many more things I could put in the section above, it is a fucking disgrace!!!

Why did I ask you at the start to post, share, email etc etc, because through Twitter, Facebook and this blog I have met people that know these illnesses inside out, I can read them like a book and they can read me like a book. A lady I have never met and have only been aware of for a week or so sent me a DM on Facebook because she could spot from simple posts that I was struggling. I have received loads of private messages from people who are suffering but are too ashamed to speak out. I believe I have destroyed my chance of ever having a proper job again, anyone who reads my words would never employ me and I don’t blame them. Will people ever be able to trust me 100%, I’m a mentalist I could be dangerous! Most of these book monkeys know fuck all, I seem to of got lucky because my psychiatrist appears to be human and able to speak English not just the language of book bollox.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE THAT WE JOIN TOGETHER ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DO ACTUALLY KNOW MENTAL ILLNESS, WHETHER IT BE INDIVIDUALS, CHARITIES, HELP GROUPS, WEBSITES, TWITTER ACCOUNTS, FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS, BLOGS, GOOD NOGGIN DOCS, MENTALISTS, NORMALS, AND SO ON. IF WE ALL KEEP PULLING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS WE WILL STILL BE FUCKED IN ANOTHER 10 YEARS!!!

Here comes the delusional bit:-
I made a pledge on the Time To Change Pledge Wall and I am going to 100% honour that pledge…
Jon exboozehound.co.uk
I pledge to do everything possible to help people and to make the NHS provide a proper joined up Mental Health Service

Here comes the weird bit:-
I always thought clairvoyance was bollox but last week my Mom went to see one and here is what the clairvoyant said about me….

“He will choose a new direction/new career, this would be to help other people over a wide area who are suffering as he was and to help them understand there illness better”

image

It is time to stop fucking about with this.

It is time to do something.

We can make a difference!!!!

Keep smiling 🙂

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